![\"Navy](\"https:\/\/www.diaryofanadi.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/navigator.jpg\" "\\"Navy")
I picked a pupil up for a lesson tonight from his house. He\u2019d already asked if we could finish at his girlfriend\u2019s place over in Cotgrave, which I had no problem with. Well, I say that, but I did have some small reservations, which grew as the lesson went on.<\/p>\n
I enjoy this job immensely, but there are two particular things which I have to admit I have nightmares about. One is to do with steering. I\u2019ve been teaching for long enough to know that pupils can do things you\u2019d think that no sane person would ever do. For example, a few months ago a girl who was a bit unpredictable behind the wheel in the first place was steering almost full-lock around a tight mini-roundabout to turn right when the ball on her nose ring (which she fiddles with incessantly) fell off at the precise moment she needed to steer left into the exit road. Who would ever have thought that a rational human being would instantly decide to let go of the steering wheel with both hands and plunge head-first into the foot well to try and catch the ball before it hit the floor in this situation? And in another example some years ago, a pupil was driving at 50mph down a long, straight, well-lit 60mph road, with other cars visible several hundred metres in front of us doing the same, when he suddenly decided we needed to make a 90\u00b0 turn to the left. There was no left turn there anyway (not even anything resembling one), and even if there had been we couldn\u2019t possibly have managed it at that speed, and nor should we have attempted to do so. He could never explain why he had tried (I remember his exact words: \u201cI honestly don\u2019t know why I did that\u201d).<\/p>\n
The second thing that gives me the heebie jeebies is when a pupil asks to be dropped off somewhere different to the pick up, and before I\u2019ve had time to look it up. This is made worse when I attempt to identify the location with them and they can\u2019t tell me anything other than \u201cI know the way\u201d. Those four simple words convey an absolute encyclopaedia of possible meanings, such as:<\/p>\n
Young drivers are often so poor at navigation that they think 5cm on a map \u201cisn\u2019t very far\u201d \u2013 even though they\u2019re looking at a World projection printed on A4. With a big border. And cornering on two wheels with no signals (just like mum or dad) comes naturally. With all of this in mind, the conversation at the start of today\u2019s lesson went something like this:<\/p>\n
\nWhere in Cotgrave do you need to be?<\/p>\n
I know the way<\/p>\n
Yes, but I don\u2019t. What road does she live on?<\/p>\n
Ummm.<\/p>\n[Groan] You don\u2019t know the name of the road?<\/p>\n
But I know the way<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
At this point, I jokingly explain much of what I\u2019ve written above.<\/p>\n
\nI don\u2019t know how you \u201cusually\u201d get to Cotgrave, and there\u2019s more than one way. Where is she near?<\/p>\n
Ummm.<\/p>\n
Is she near Ring Leas?<\/p>\n[A light seems to come on] Umm, I think.. ummm.<\/p>\n
OK, we\u2019ll head for Ring Leas and you can tell me where you\u2019re going from there<\/p>\n
It\u2019s near Sainsbury\u2019s<\/p>\n[I pause for a moment] But Ring Leas is nowhere near Sainsbury\u2019s<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll know it when I see it<\/p>\n
Yes, but I want to get there alive. We\u2019ll head for Sainsbury\u2019s then<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
We carry out the bulk of the lesson. Once we\u2019ve done it, we strike out for Cotgrave along the A606 Melton Road. Just after the Wheatcroft Roundabout the conversation proceeds:<\/p>\n
\nI normally take the next turn left<\/p>\n
I know how to get to Cotgrave, just concentrate and you can tell me where you think you want to go later<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
I assumed that he meant he\u2019d normally drive down Tollerton Lane (which is actually the fourth<\/strong> left from where we were), even though that would be a pointlessly longer way to get to Cotgrave. As we turned into Cotgrave Road (fifth<\/strong> left):<\/p>\n
\nYes, this is the way we come<\/p>\n
But this isn\u2019t \u201cnext left\u201d like [I decide not to pursue it]\u2026 now concentrate on the road, it\u2019s dark and narrow [and it’s snowing now]\n<\/blockquote>\n
As we approach Cotgrave:<\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s left at the Church<\/p>\n
But Sainsbury\u2019s is on the right<\/p>\n
No, it\u2019s this next road [pointing right<\/strong> at Mensing Avenue]\n
But the Church is a bit further down, and Sainsbury\u2019s is on the right at the end of this road<\/p>\n
No, there\u2019s one here [Scrimshire Lane, second<\/strong> left, and on the right<\/strong>]\n
That\u2019s the graveyard, the Church is on the left down there, and you said it was on the left. But this is the road she lives on, yes?<\/p>\n
Ummm. Yes. I meant on the right.<\/p>\n[We turn into Scrimshire] Where does she live?<\/p>\n
On the left just here [points]\n
What, down here? [Cherry Orchard]\n
No, down here [points left again]\u2026 where that car\u2019s going [actually, into someone\u2019s driveway]\n
You mean Ring Leas, then [which is just past it]?<\/p>\n
Ummm.<\/p>\n
So it\u2019s down here? [I point at Ring Leas as we approach it]\n
No, it\u2019s down here on the left<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Several possible left turns later, we finally arrive \u2013 albeit about 1km beyond the point where our destination was \u201cjust here on the left\u201d the first time.<\/p>\n
\nPromise me you\u2019ll buy a sat nav as soon as you pass.<\/p>\n
I knew where it was<\/p>\n
No you bloody didn\u2019t. Not one of your directions was correct, and what do you think you would have done if you\u2019d been driving on your own? You\u2019d have taken that first turn back on the A606 and ended up in West Bridgford if you were lucky. Then you said it was \u201cnear Sainsbury\u2019s\u201d \u2013 it\u2019s nowhere near.<\/p>\n
It is<\/p>\n
Sainsbury\u2019s is over a mile away. Have you any idea how difficult it is to find an address when you don\u2019t know a road name or house number, and are searching in a one-mile radius based only on visual recognition \u2013 in the dark? Your idea of this house being \u201cnear Sainsbury\u2019s\u201d is like saying \u201cNottingham is near Derby\u201d. In global terms it is, but not if you\u2019ve got to walk it wearing a blindfold!<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Society is doomed, I tells ya!<\/p>\n
And this is why I sometimes have those recurring nightmares.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I picked a pupil up for a lesson tonight from his house. He\u2019d already asked if we could finish at his girlfriend\u2019s place over in Cotgrave, which I had no problem with. Well, I say that, but I did have some small reservations, which grew as the lesson went on. I enjoy this job immensely, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[80,99,82],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20888","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adi-related","category-funny-related","category-training"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/diaryofanadi.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20888","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/diaryofanadi.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/diaryofanadi.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diaryofanadi.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diaryofanadi.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=20888"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/diaryofanadi.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20888\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/diaryofanadi.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=20888"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diaryofanadi.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=20888"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/diaryofanadi.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=20888"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}