Well, it’s started. The annual roadworks fiesta – which will last all summer – has begun now that the weather has turned nice.
Episode 1
In Nottingham, for some incomprehensible reason the council has allowed the contractor Morrison to dig up Woodborough Road (between The Wells Road and Porchester Road), and keep it dug up for 3 weeks and counting. It features a “three-way traffic control”, which translates to 5 minute waits for a handful of cars to get through each way. However, these temporary lights don’t take acc
ount of the normal Porchester Road set less than 50m away – it would be too simple to synchronise with them, wouldn’t it? – and that means people backed up into the yellow box junction (if they’re prats, causing delays on Porchester Road) or long delays (everywhere else, if they stay out of it).
Morrison appear to be in no hurry whatsoever to get any work done. No matter what time of day you drive through it is quite likely you’ll see no one even present to do any work, let alone do it efficiently. At best, they’re sitting in vans stuffing their faces from one of the numerous nearby greasy spoon or fast food establishments.
They are NOT working evenings, and they are NOT working every weekend. Typically, they’re also NOT working much before 10am or after about 3-4pm, and the short space in between has lengthy elevenses, lunch, and afternoon tea breaks tucked into it.
It’s got something to do with the gas – new pipes being laid – but th
e work ethic is appallingly bad. Let’s hope the quality of the work is a little better, otherwise I might suddenly find myself in Colwick when I thought I was intending to go towards Sherwood!
The traffic delays caused by these works are massive – so massive that it is obvious that there is deliberate intent on the part of someone at either the council or the contractor (or both).
It’s sheer incompetence all round. Once upon a time, this sort of job would have been completed in just a few days. Now, it takes a month or more. (COMPLETED)
Episode 2
If you’re coming the opposite way, from Arnold, Plains Road (before it becomes Woodborough Road) has got a set of temporary lights. They’re less than a mile from the ones I just described. They’re resurfacing a 200m stretch of road, and they’ve been doing it for well over a week so far. Years ago, that amount of resurfacing would have been done over a single night. (COMPLETED)
Episode 3
Of course, when you know about this kind of incompetence you look for alternative routes. 
Depending on which way you’re heading that could mean using Westdale Lane. I tried that yesterday and discovered another set of temporary lights specifically designed to cause delays. They were on the road near a building site where someone has sold a few square metres of land on to which at least two structures – probably pauper flats – are being built. Utilities again.
House builders have just about the lowest right to block traffic out of anyone, in my opinion. They are the only people who will benefit from their house-building – absolutely no one passing by will. They’re just forced to endure huge delays while the usual leisurely British approach to doing any work manifests itself.
Again, they used to be able to build houses very quickly. It now takes much longer – meaning roadworks for the installation of utilities last far too long.
The whole business is like a military operation. EVERY route is impeded. There is no sensible alternate route you can use to bypass the area. (COMPLETED)
Episode 4
If you have any lessons or business across the other side of the city, think again if you expect a clearer run. On Broxtowe Lane there are yet more utilities works, with temporary lights, characterised by no one actually doing any work for most of the day. It’s fun and games during the school run, given that there are about six schools within a 2-mile radius (not to mention the fact that we’re talking about Broxtowe, here).
Episode 5
West Bridgford also has a carefully placed set of 3-way temporary lights on Musters Road at the junction with Eton Road. This particular site is characterised by absolutely NO ONE doing any work whatsoever since the hole was dug two weeks ago. It’s perfectly situated to cause maximum inconvenience to motorists – particularly as there is a school about 500m away, which is frequented by a lot of typical West Bridgford mummies and daddies involved in the school run (i.e. bad drivers, big cars, usually going to Asda or one of the 
West Bridgford car parks once they’ve dropped off or picked up their kids, etc.). Late afternoon is chaos.
Episode 6
Out of town is no good, either. On a longer run through Ravenshead, there are utilities works (and temporary lights) along Longdale Lane. These are dismantled at weekends (well, they were last week) and only erected weekdays, so there’s no desperate hurry to complete the work. The only purpose of the lights appears to keep the workers the correct Health & Safety-approved distance away from traffic in the brief periods during which they are working.
Episode 7
The Bunny-East Leake/Gotham road is completely closed. Alternative route to Gotham is via Costock and East Leake.
Forthcoming Attractions
Yellow signs giving advanced warning of works are also going up in various places. I love the wording, and how it says “delays possible” or “delays expected”.
In other words, “we’re going to make sure you ARE delayed – and for as many weeks as we possibly can”. God help us when they start building that waste-of-space tram extension to Beeston. That’ll last a year!