Some People

Someone found the blog on the following search term:

bsm late or acromas or goodsell or saga or aa or complaint or driving or lesson or instructor or cancelled or theory or franchise or passed or failed or pupil or car brick waka mining benilde exhaust bmw blind

You have to try not to laugh sometimes. They actually typed all that into a search engine –  they seem to have a big axe to grind, but on a very badly worn grinding wheel! A search term like that is almost like not using any search criteria at all – it’ll throw up a zillion results, 99.9% of Late Arrivalswhich are absolutely irrelevant (as the attempts to remove certain hits would confirm).

Let’s assume that the earlier chapters of the term are what the person was interested in – something to do with a driving instructor from the AA or BSM turning up late.

First things first. Forget any idea you might have about suing them for millions. It isn’t going to happen.

Next, you need to understand how driving instructors work. Every single instructor out there (well, except for a handful who work for specialised companies who deal with expensive lessons to people who can afford them) is self-employed. That means that if you get a bad one, there’s almost just as much chance of him being with Red, the AA, BSM, or any other large school as there is of him being with a smaller school or operating on his own.

I say “almost”, because there is a slight likelihood that the one from a big school will – on average – be more reliable than one of the lesser ones. The reason is the brand name, A good reputation?and the degree to which the school in question wants to protect it. Still not convinced?

OK. Every instructor has to make money, and to do that they need pupils to teach. Those with a franchise are almost always there because they can’t generate the work themselves, and they rely on the school to get them that work. Assuming that this arrangement works, the instructor will not want to get on the wrong side of his franchiser – who might kick him out if he upsets customers. So there is a general tendency for any behaviour likely to cause upset not to happen.

On the other hand, instructors who charge stupid prices and who force pupils to stay with them by making stupid “10 lessons for £99” offers, which only apply if you stay for your entire course, can afford to be a little less customer friendly. And since they will be earning less to start with with these daft offers and low regular prices, they may well upset pupils without being aware of it by not teaching them quickly enough for the pupil’s liking. So there is a general tendency for unhappy pupils to be greater in this group.

Note I said “general tendency”.

Now, let’s cut through the crap and try to help people who are anally retentive enough to type huge search terms like the one above, with a view to being able to retire on the outcome of what they might have in mind… here are some simple things you could try

  • If you are unhappy with your instructor, just change them
  • If it’s with a large school, ask them for a different instructor
  • If you’re pissed off with the school, go for a different one
  • Complain directly to the school if you have a grievance
  • Concentrate on learning to drive, not complaining
  • Don’t spend so much time watching daytime TV and formulating opinions about companies based on only two or three cases
  • If you’re a parent, try butting out unless you understand the mechanics involved, have a genuine problem, and can separate fact from fiction when your little darling drops a comment
  • Remember the saying “six of one, half a dozen of the other” – the pupil isn’t always unblemished when it comes to lesson mix-ups

It’s really that simple. Just change instructors and stop moaning!

Some years ago, I had a pupil who was extremely unreliable. She simply couldn’t afford Daytime TV Cartoonher lessons, and she was honest about it. In return, I was absolutely tolerant to her numerous last minute cancellations. This is not a word of a lie, but she cancelled in excess of 10 lessons less than 24 hours before she was supposed to have them, and other lesson reorganisations ran into similar figures. I even gave her a free 2 hour lesson on one occasion when she accompanied me on my Check Test. I estimate that she cost me more than £500 overall. You could say that I was crazy to carry on with her, but I did.

Then, one day, she sent me yet another text cancelling her lesson at the last minute (on the day it was supposed to be, as I remember). I was used to this and merely saw the first line of the message flashed up on my phone. I made the mistake of not reading the rest, which turned out to be an essay and a half. Right at the bottom it said “can you do a lesson at 11 on Thursday?”

Now, bearing in mind that I didn’t reply, I didn’t turn up at 11 on Thursday. But she thought I was going to.

When I realised what had happened, I apologised profusely and explained, but she didn’t reply. I then found out from another pupil that she was going around saying I was “unreliable”. I’d never turned up late or missed a lesson that we’d arranged, and yet she’d missed dozens. If I worked for a large school, and she was interviewed on daytime TV, you can imagine how it would look, But it was just lies.

Mind you, as I’ve said before, driving instructors are often not the brightest sparks in the fire, and some may well give grounds for a genuine complaint. But these are the exception rather than the rule.

So, one more time: if you aren’t happy with your instructor, just change them and get on with your life.

And if you really feel the need to create a stink about whatever it is that’s bugging you… you might just need to get a life!

One Rule For Men, Another Rule For Women

Unbelievably, Michelle Brannigan drove her 11-year old son to school and had a crash. She had been out drinking the night before and was nearly FOUR TIMES THE LEGAL LIMIT!

Now, it would be easy to find examples of where men have been jailed for non-injury crashes whilst DUI Whisky(driving under the influence) for a year, 10 months, six months, and so on. I’m sure there are longer sentences out there.

Brannigan was over the limit by 25% more than any of those male examples – in fact, she was so drunk it is a wonder she was able to breathe unaided – and yet she was jailed for a paltry 16 weeks.

She could have killed her son. She could have killed any number of other children. She was absolutely pissed during the school run (and I won’t mention the likely head start in the bad driving stakes that conveys). All those men in the examples above were completely uninvolved with the school run.

The only reason the idiot judge could have been so lenient in “one of the worst cases he had ever seen” was that she was female and a mother. He even considered suspending the sentence “because of [her] children”.

It’s unlikely she’ll be inside for anywhere near 16 weeks, either.

The night before, this “mother” – the word “unfit” is omitted in the article – had been drinking bourbon until 1 am in the morning. The judge insisted she is “a good mother”. Quite how his logic works is obviously not clear – answers on a postcard please.

The mitigating pleas are laughable when you consider Brannigan’s haggard face, clearly weathered by years of hard living. Apparently, it was all the fault of depression, the “neighbour from hell”, being a single mother with little support, and so on. All these things do is paint a picture of the kind of people and the localities involved – best summed up by the word “rough”.

It really is one rule for men, and another for women sometimes.

And this is exactly why society is declining and people drive, for example, the way they do. This “good mother” is one hell of a role model for her kids to emulate when they grow up. The script is already written for how they could easily turn out.

DSA Statistics To Be Published Monthly

This came in via the newsfeeds – I was surprised it wasn’t via an email alert from the DSA, but I guess that will come later.

The news release says that the DSA will start to publish its statistics each month, along with other gStatisticsovernment departments, as part of an overall “transparency policy” by the government.

There’s no substance to the rumour that it was Mike Penning’s daughter’s idea, and it appears he came up with this one all by himself.

I think we need to wait to see what the “change” brings. The DSA has published quite a lot of information for some time, and it can provide other data on request. However, what is clear that much of the time the DSA simply doesn’t have the data because it hasn’t recorded it either at all, or in the form that has been requested.

A good example is when someone requests something stupid like “how many ADIs passed part 3 on a Wednesday afternoon, and had an S in their names, between August 2010 and June 2011?” The DSA simply cannot answer it – and yes, that IS the kind of idiotic request they often get.

Seriously, though, some of the data could be quite useful – as you can see. So we can probably expect a sudden rush of bad analyses from all those amateur statisticians out there (every ADI on the register considers themselves to be better at maths than Archimedes was).

There is also a timeline of forthcoming data and report publication dates.

Lunatics

I don’t remember reading any of the previous news reports about this, but it is one of the saddest stories I have seen for a long time.

Cerys Edwards was 11 months old when the car she was travelling in was hit head-on by a psychopath (Antonio Boparan) driving at over 70mph in a 30mph zone and on the wrong side of the road. This total imbecile – the son of a millionaire – had only passed his test 6 months earlier, and yet was driving a Range Rover Sport – an über-pratmobile.

Boparan served 6 months of a 21 month sentence for dangerous driving.

Cerys, now 6, spent two years in hospital, underwent numerous operations, and is now dependent on a ventilator and has to be fed via a tube. You shudder when you weigh up her life expectancy on the one hand, with the quality of her life on the other.

Of course, sheer criminal stupidity isn’t just the domain of the young – as the case of Cassie McCord quite clearly shows.

And let’s not be fooled into thinking that it isn’t a big problem. Doing the job I do obviously Silver Vauxhall - reg. no. YS01 LGSkeeps me out on the roads a lot, and it is a daily occurrence to witness absolute stupidity. For example, today I was driving through Bramcote coming up to the junction with Wollaton Vale. On the 60mph stretch we were tailgated by a woman in a silver Vauxhall (reg. no. YS01 LGS). As we slowed to 30mph she obviously didn’t like it – and she liked it even less when we indicated to turn right, so she couldn’t overtake. So she went on to the other side of the road just so she could get to the traffic lights in front of us – and she had to do it at considerably greater than 30mph. Anything could have happened if someone had emerged from Wollaton Vale while she was doing it. Her behaviour was no different to Boparan’s in the story above, and could have had similar – or worse – consequences.

But this one was unbelievable. Driving through Clifton later, approaching the A453, Silver Vauxahll Astra Estate - reg. no. Y699 OTManother car and me were in the non-bus lane in order to overtake a bus, which had stopped at a bus stop. We then had to stop at a crossing as a School Patrol ushered kids across. This baboon in a silver Vauxhall Astra estate (reg. no. Y699 OTM) initially stopped behind me, but I saw him swing into the bus lane when he saw the bus get ready to move off. As the Patrol stepped off the crossing and the lights changed, he floored it and managed to squeeze back into the non-bus lane in front of the car ahead of me, and then shot off at considerably greater than 30mph over the speed bumps. I went past him at the lights – he was, naturally, in the outside lane in a queue while the inside one was empty. I hope he can lip read, because he saw me mouth “twat” at him as I went by. But I think he knew that anyway. Again, this total tosser could have mowed down any number of kids, with appalling consequences.

And later, on my way to the last lesson of the day, a plumber’s van had got itself into the “fast” lane on Trent Bridge – the one where you have to stop to give way to traffic coming off Radcliffe Road if you time it badly. I was in the inside lane, where you just carry straight on to the bridge if you time things properly and safely. I indicated to move into the next lane once on the bridge, but by then Mr Plumber had started moving and he was one of those whose idea of safe driving is to try to prevent anyone else from moving until he has done what he wants. So he floored it to try and stop me. Having failed to accelerate fast enough, he then did the full-on Road Rage bit by trying to ram the side of me at the crossing we stopped at, and then cut in dangerously at the next set of lights – just to make a point (or what passes for a point among the lower primates). He then managed top cut in front of other people further, as a result of highly questionable speed in a 30mph zone during rush hour. I’m tempted to name the plumbing company involved, but I won’t.

Yes, it is a HUGE problem.

Renewing Your ADI Badge Now Easier

A newer update is here – this story is an old one.


An email alert from the DSA says that renewing your ADI badge is now easier.

You can give them permission to use your photocard driving licence picture for your ADI badge, so the whole process can happen online.

Remember that you’ll still have to obtain your CRB check separately.

The email contains the following links:

I like how they’re moving things online. But I’m sure there are some who don’t.

How To Get SPAM Out Of The Can

I’ve been enjoying the occasional SPAM sandwich lately, and anyone who has done the same knows how tricky it can be getting the stuff out of the tin (a “tin” is what we in the UK call the “can”) without mangling it as you shove a knife inside to prise it out.

Here’s a simple method – but be careful, because it will come out so easily you’ll drop it on the floor if you’re not.

Run the can under warm tap water for about 30-60 seconds. This melts the fat next to the metal. Don’t overheat it (you don’t need to use boiling water, just hand hot is all it takes), and be sure to warm the bottom end as well.

Carefully puncture the base using a can opener or other sharp tool (this might not be required, but it helps – just a single hole is enough) to release the suction at that end, then remove the lid in the normal way. The SPAM will now slide out easily if you invert it over a plate.

No more shredded fingers or mangled SPAM. And it works for corned beef (the British kind) and other solid tinned meats which are often held in by suction and hard fat (Armour Treet, for example). Remember that the trick is to melt the fat, then allow air in to release suction at the bottom end.

And to all the plagiarists out there, especially those in Korea (캔에서 스팸 쉽게 꺼내는 방법)… you’re welcome. And thanks for not mentioning where you got the idea for your recent posts and YouTube videos.

Computers + Old People = Confusion

This Canadian story claims that computerised tests are unfair to older drivers. In many ways, it echoes the mantra certain ADIs in this country like to chant ad nauseam.

It seems that Canada also has a permanent war on the go with the politically correct crowd:

The government needs to do a better job of explaining a computerized driving test for seniors suspected of cognitive impairment, Solicitor-General Shirley Bond said in an open letter Tuesday.

Am I the only one for whom the question “if they’ve got cognitive impairment, why the bloody hell are they on the roads in control of a 1 tonne+ killing machine” occurs?

Old people and technologyThe Canadian exam is simply a touch-screen affair – as far as I can tell, a lot of questions and hazard scenarios are thrown up (if someone from Canada can clarify that it’d be useful), and the candidate simply touches a “button” on the screen. It isn’t a million miles away from the UK Theory Test. But – just like the UK – there are “activists”, ready to oppose anything.

It seems that there was a recent protest by people who reckon that it is an unfair way to “assess a generation less familiar with technology”.

I’m sick of this childish argument. If some new technology comes along right now, and I’m not familiar with it, then I go out and make myself familiar. I don’t start a protest group or front a Mickey Mouse organisation to oppose the technology.

It reminds me of something from years ago, and which I have mentioned before. I’ve always been “into” technology, and had a home computer – long before PCs – in the late 70s/early 80s. At that time, you saved and loaded programs and data from a cassette tape drive, and many magazines included a free cassette of stuff on the front cover. When disk drives started to become popular – and you can imagine the clumsiness of cassettes compared to floppy disks – magazines started to change over. There was uproar from the Luddites who wanted to remain with cassettes.

All you have to do is look at what we take for granted now, and what those idiots were campaigning for, to see how totally wrong they were. The same applies to this case of using technology to replace pen and paper or other non-technology based methods of communication.

Reading the article in The Vancouver Sun suggests a very similar undercurrent, as the government is looking at “an outreach plan” to explain why you need to be medically fit to drive AND how to use the computerised system. There’s obviously more to it than just not being able to use a computer.

One 86-year old (who is “competent with computers”) says he was “completely frazzled” when he took the test. Look, I’m sorry, but if he was competent with computers, the only reasons for being frazzled were due a) to taking a test that he desperately wanted NOT to fail, and/or b) being 86 years old! Nothing short of an automatic drivers’ licence would have prevented him from being frazzled. He even reveals his desperation not to lose his independence, in a country where you have to be medically assessed fit to continue to drive beyond age 80. You can see that a whole raft of issues are being condensed down, and blamed on the computer-based test.

A local driving instructor adds fuel to the flames when he says he has received “numerous complaints from seniors”. What on earth does that prove? Nothing.

However, he does say that he thinks the concerns can be resolved. I think that’s being a little naÏve, when it is the loss of independence and being tested at 80 which is the real issue.

Driving Test Woes

This is the first freedom of information (FOI) story of the year, but ChronicleLive (a Wad of moneyNewcastle news site) says that a 27-year old woman from the area passed her Theory Test on the 49th attempt.

Just for the record, that means she shelled out £1,519 just on the Theory Test!

The article also says a 29-year old Sunderland man took 16 tries, and two teenagers from Morpeth took 13 attempts.

When it came to the Practical Test, a 40-year old Sunderland woman took 20 attempts (the tests alone would have cost her £1,240), narrowly beating a 32-year old Hexham woman (17 goes) and a 32-year old Elswick woman (16 goes).

Square Peg In A Round Hole

I don’t know where these people get their information from – or who explains it to them!

A square peg in a round holeThis stupid article from ChoiceQuote reckons British cars are “bigger than the average parking space”. So you’d be forgiven for thinking that this means all – or the majority of – cars on British roads are too big.

The simple fact is that the vast majority of British cars are perfectly sized to fit in any standard parking space. ChoiceQuote is simply talking crap.

Apparently, the Department for Transport states that a parking bay must be a maximum of 5’ 11” wide (180cm), and this has not changed since 1994.

A BMW X6 is 6’ 6” wide, and an X5 is 6’ 4” wide. And of course, at around £50,000 a pop, just about everyone is driving around in one of those. Not. Even an X3 is £30,000.

Normal people drive normal cars. Fortunately, the majority of the population IS normal, and they drive cars that fit in parking bays. Well, if they park them properly, anyway.

This website is quite useful – ChoiceQuote should have used it before writing a stupid story for the tabloids.

There are over 31 million cars on the road in the UK. About 113,000 of them are BMW X3s, X5s, and X6s – which equates to less than 0.4%. Of course, there are other large 4×4 vehicles, but altogether they still account for only a few per cent of the total.

So, quite how ChoiceQuote manages to twist this into “British cars bigger than the average parking space” is anyone’s guess.

They’re just totally wrong.

Girly Atlas Of Britain (2012 Edition)

Sexism is a terrible thing! So it is with regret and total shame that I give you something which has been around for years and which makes me smile every time I see it.

Presenting The AA’s updated 2012 edition of The Girly Atlas Of Britain.Girly Atlas of Great Britain - 2012 Edition

I must say that I have never met lots of women drivers for whom this atlas would be an ideal and extremely useful present.

And naturally, I never joke with my female pupils about getting a satnav when they pass.