Just like one of the warnings visited on the Egyptians at the time of Moses, according to the Express we are due a visit from the Angel of Death!
Basically, some pollen is possibly going to blow over the UK from Europe.
According to the Express – and all the numpties who have picked up the story and are busy repeating it:
- the cloud is bigger than the Pacific Ocean
- it consists entirely of Birch pollen
- it is intelligent, and will catch the ferry if the winds change, because it definitely wants to get to the UK
- Europe consists entirely of Birch trees
- Birch pollen can strip the flesh off a whole elephant in less than 20 minutes
- Hay fever is only caused by Birch pollen
- we don’t have any Birch trees in the UK
- Birch trees are an EU menace
- Birch trees in all other countries produce pollen that is 10,000 times more acidic than that of Birch trees that would grow in the UK – if we had any
- the morning after the visitation, all cars will be stripped to bare metal
- the first born male child in every household is at risk
The truth of the matter is that due to the dry weather and prevailing winds, pollen levels will be high over the next few days. And Birch pollen is more abrasive than it is acidic.That’s all. But it is boring when you put it like that..
I mean, let’s face facts here. Last year, half of Iceland fell on us after that Eyjafjallajökull (I love than name – no one can pronounce it) volcano erupted, and that ash was lots more abrasive than Birch pollen. Every year, a whole truck load of the Sahara gets dumped on us, and we know how abrasive sand is. Heaven knows what else comes over on the wind that isn’t newsworthy. All you get is a load of crap on the car first thing in the morning, and that’s hardly Biblical, is it?
Oh, yeah. And can anyone remember the last time something like this happened that meant the paint spontaneously fell off every car in the UK?