A nice article in The Spoof. It just about sums up the way I feel about the Royal Wedding.
As they say, we’re shipping the cranks in from all four corners of the globe – and that’s like we didn’t have enough of our own already. Mind you, the foreign ones are not as bad as our homegrown ones. People from overseas (well, apart from the Americans) are just over here to see a spectacle – they’re tourists.
Our lot (and the Americans) are a few olives short of a pizza.
They’ve been sleeping out on the pavement for days already. At any other time you’d get arrested for that. Clad in cheap plastic Union Jack hats and waving flags left over from England’s attempt to play football at last years World Cup (and yes, we all know those flags are overstock, otherwise they’d be Union Jacks), you can’t help wonder how they go to the toilet – though I suspect it involves swapping bags over in many cases.
We’ve had weeks of it – and there are weeks still to come as the paperazzi follow them on honeymoon, and then the newspapaers get in trouble for going too far. Again. And after that will be their “first” Christmas as a married couple at Balmoral, their “first” Royal engagement as a married couple, their “first” (this makes me shiver) trip to the USA as a married couple, and so on.
Even now, the BBC news is rattling on about it – no mention of the impending Biblical Plague (aka “high pollen count”) which is due to sandblast the entire country anytime now. Obviously, it’s far more important to keep interviewing dysfunctional Americans about why they are here.
When you look at it, all it is is some bloke and his bird getting hitched.
Last week I was on a lesson and there was a car decked out in flags, and the silly woman driving it was wearing a red and white wig, and red and white everything else (so far as I could tell without getting intimate). And the number of houses with flags hanging outside is surprising in this day and age.
I’m working tomorrow. I hope I don’t get held up by any bloody street parties.
I have also managed to resist the temptation to use the obvious sort of graphic to go with this article.