General - Diary Of An ADI

If You’re Going To Retire, Retire… And Be Done With It!

29/06/2012

It’s quite possible to enjoy being a driving instructor – just like it’s quite possible to enjoy any job. However, it seems to be standard practice to start hating work when you get to a certain age. That’s when you officially become a Grumpy Old Git and start annoying people.

One thing that you pick up when you do this job – indeed, something that any half-decent parent would pick up when trying (and failing) to educate their offspring on certain matters – is that no amount of advice, tuition,coaching, or anything else you want to call it is going to stop the average 17-year old behaving like every other 17-year old has ever behaved since time immemorial. And usually then some. Likewise, the DSA will always behave like the DSA, and driving tests will always be driving tests – with passes and fails.

I’m seeing an increasing number of ADIs retiring (or being close to retirement but still hanging on), stating that they’re “disillusioned” or words to that effect, who then can’t stop keep sticking the boot in on the industry that the rest of us are still involved with and enjoy.

It seems that the old adage about falling into a second childhood as the grey matter turns to jelly is true.

For God’s sake, if you’re going to retire, do it! Just walk away and retire, and stop keep trying to ruin it for everyone else. Go and play golf, or write letters to local newspapers about things that annoy you (that will fill up the long hours). And while you’re at it, buy one of these.

PPI Palaver

21/06/2012

DOAADI

ADI, General

I have had a PPI claim upheld which – when I eventually get it – will be a nice little windfall. But the key word in there is “eventually”.

We’re in the 21st Century, but it drives me crazy that I can only pay cash into my account specifically at one of my bank’s branches. That means having to get to a high street somewhere, with parking and fuel costs, not to mention the general inconvenience (don’t get me started on old people waiting in the West Bridgford car parks without buying a ticket while their spouse does the shopping, blocking everyone else). And when I get there I have to keep my fingers crossed that there isn’t a queue, because it seems that 99.9% of other bank customers use the places for the sole purpose of raising impossibly complex queries that take ages to resolve and tie the only cashier working up for ten minutes. Even with just a couple of people in the queue and more than one cashier working (which isn’t often at Halifax), this can lead to a 10-15 minute wait just to deposit cash and cheques..

At my local branch they have a fast-deposit machine. That’s a very funny joke, because it isn’t fast at all (though admittedly it’s usually slightly faster than going to the cashiers’ desk when it’s working), and doubly so when someone else is trying to use it and is reading every single word on the screen and putting their money in all mixed up (and why the bloody hell do they then go straight to the withdrawal machine to check that it’s gone in? The other one just told you it had accepted your deposit, and you got a receipt. It’s the same system. Are you really that stupid?) Anyone over 35 – except for me – should be kept away from the automatic system, or maybe even forced to use a bank specifically for old people who are frightened of technology and who don’t trust banks with their money!

But all banks seem to want to raise bureaucracy to new heights in every area of their business. You see, the PPI refund I am waiting for to appear in my account is being paid by another bank – one I was with many moons ago and which stopped being a bank, hence my move elsewhere. I got a call from them on 30 May telling me the claim had been upheld, and that a letter would be sent out within 10 days for me to accept the offer formally.

We could have sorted it all out on the phone there and then, but that’s not how banks work. Instead, I had to wait 10 days – and we’re talking about WORKING days, so there were two weekends in the middle – for the letter to arrive, and that was after discovering that after the 30 May conversation the letter only went out on 6 June (oh, it was ordered on 30 May, they told me, but it wasn’t printed until a week later). I now learn that they will pay out “within 28 days” of receiving the acceptance form. Of course, the chances of that turning out to be much less than 28 days are extremely remote. I assume that the interest they’ll be earning on my money will pay for all the unnecessary arseing about involved – albeit only at their end.

Then this week, in a totally separate incident, a household bill for £200 I had paid by debit card last week was charged again by standing order – in other words, I have paid £400 instead of £200. The second £200 was removed from my account in ten seconds flat, but I now learn it will take “3 working days” for it to be credited back – and with the weekend now looming (thanks to the day and half already taken to discuss it and agree it WAS an error and not some fraudulent claim by a Master Criminal) that means Monday at the earliest.

Why is it that money can be taken in the blink of an eye, and yet giving it back takes forever?

I’m keeping my eye on services like Barclays Pingit. On paper it is a great idea, but until all banks offer something similar the extra hassle of topping up a separate “wallet” account for non-Barclays customers means it isn’t going to be that useful for taking lesson payments (the crap internet phone signal and/or availability is another downside).

But anything that removes the need to physically visit a branch or cash point can’t be all bad.

“Extreme Weather” Forecasting

13/06/2012

DOAADI

General, News

I was at the dentist yesterday, leafing through a copy of Private Eye in the waiting room. I think my scepticism (of weather forecasters) and derision (of loud and inaccurate weather forecasters) – especially amateur ones, or those who predict Armageddon every time they give a forecast – is well documented.

But this article caught my eye (Monbiot’s blog is their source):

Back in January Guardian columnist George Monbiot took issue with the use of “extreme” weather forecasts by the Mail and Express to generate eye-catching headlines. Spurning the Met Office, both titles relied on these often erroneous predictions on Positive Weather Services (PWS), run by one Jonathan Powell.

Monbiot discovered that the people who Powell claimed were helping put together the “service” did not, in fact, exist. Having been rumbled, Powell explained that “as I can’t find anything to back anyone up then quite frankly PWS is now more trouble than it’s worth and in debt. Therefore, I have taken the decision after six years to close the business forthwith.”

But you can’t keep a good weatherman down. Powell popped up in the Express a few months later, this time under the guise of Vantage Weather Services.

“NEW COLD SNAP TO LAST FOR A MONTH,” howled the paper’s front page on 15 May. Hack Nathan Rao quoted Powell’s warning to readers: “It looks like this is going to continue well into June. Summer is really on hold, with no sign of it in the near future.”

Whoops! Four days later Rao was back on the front page, but this time to report: “GLORIOUS SUMMER IS ON WAY.” He even turned to Powell for his verdict: “We will get a glimpse of summer next week with temperatures reaching 73F in the South [in fact they were up to 80]. It is going to turn cool again after that, but this extremely cold May is a precursor to some extremely hot spells during the summer.”

Phew, what a scorcher!

In actual fact, although May began quite coolly, as most people will recall it ended with very high temperatures indeed. Overall, May was just “average” in terms of temperature, rainfall, and so on. Any extremes were localised. But that didn’t stop the Mail predicting that May would be the “coldest for 100 years” back in April (using PWS as its “expert source”). You can see an example of another PWS forecast here. History obviously reveals how humongously wrong it really was.

It’s worth reading the full Monbiot blog post. Private Eye’s article doesn’t do it justice, and the obvious deceptions taking place are quite astounding. Monbiot asks if the demise of PWS and the deceptions by its founder will stop the Mail and Express using Powell for weather forecasts.

Well, no. Yesterday, the Express – once again using Powell and ~~Vantage Weather Services~~ (which appears to have closed down as of November 2014) as its weather guru(s) – predicted “downpours” in July and August. Much of their evidence seems to be based what the weather is doing at the moment – and Powell’s previous howlers listed by Private Eye and Monbiot followed an identical pattern.

In that same Express article, another group, Netweather, neatly side-stepped the issue of dodgy forecasting and said:

You’d be forgiven for thinking we’d skipped summer entirely and arrived in the middle of the autumn storm period.

So please take care if out and about, and watch for some treacherous driving conditions and possible floods.

It looks like this lot are diversifying into traffic advice instead of the weather. It’s also worth pointing out that Michael Fish is their senior forecaster. Remember 1987, anyone?

But the likes of AccuWeather – the agency which provides forecasting on Android devices – is no better. The information it provides is only accurate for stuff that happened 10 minutes ago – so it’s more of a “postcast”, really. Anything ahead of time is nonsense. Only yesterday (12 June) it showed this on its 4-day forecast:

Already, one day later, it is forecasting this – the first icon in the image below is the same day as the second icon in the one above:

This is minor compared to what it can show sometimes, but the forecast for today was totally wrong only yesterday, and AccuWeather has updated that “forecast” so it was right! The icon showing today’s weather is just a statement of what actually happened.

EDIT: On the morning of 14 June, this is what it says about today (Thursday) – that first icon (they represent “today”, “tonight”, and “tomorrow”) appears primarily because that’s what it’s like outside at the moment… sunny:

Of course, it didn’t say that yesterday or the day before, so its forecast was completely wrong.

Google says this at the moment (and I can’t really comment on its accuracy because I haven’t tried it before, but it’s wrong about today):

Incidentally, with today being 13 June, I predict that the weather will remain like it is now until around 17 June, then it will pick up a little (it won’t be wall-to-wall sunshine, but it’ll at least be a bit sunny) and will stay that way for at least another 4 days after that.

Let’s see if my prediction comes true. If it doesn’t, I don’t care – because I’m not a weather forecaster. But it will be fun to see what happens. If I get it right I’ll see if I can do it again using my information sources. Or I might get bored.

Edit 17/6/2012: Hey, so far so good. Just adding to that prediction, I reckon the way the weather is today is how it is going to remain for at least the next 7 days. Not wall-to-wall sun, but less wet than of late (showers), and with higher temperatures. This mainly applies to the central part of the UK – Scotland might still be shitty (it has a head start anyway) and so might the extreme south.

Edit 18/6/2012: An update to the above. I now reckon that we might have some unsettled weather again around 22nd June, which will last a couple of days, then it will go back to like it is now. I’ve had to revise my previous forecast because the data I am using have also changed.

Edit 6/7/2012: OK. I got bored. But I was correct with all my forecasts unless the source data changed. And when the source data DOES change, it means making a totally different forecast. Any weather forecaster has the same problem, so they can never be totally accurate. Or – as is the case with the “long range” forecasters – they just take a guess.

And On The Subject Of Weather Forecasting…

26/05/2012

DOAADI

ADI, General

I’d forgotten this, but last June someone was predicting the “worst winter on record” for 2011/12. I poo-pooed it as bunkum, simply because no one can predict the weather properly. If the Met Office, with its array of supercomputers can’t do it, a bunch of geeky old guys with seaweed and distorted egos certainly can’t.

My opinions upset a few people. I was getting what amounted to hate mail from people defending Exacta – the organisation behind the original forecast.

Well, all you have to do is look at the official statistics for last winter.

December, January, and February temperatures were all well above their respective means, and the whole winter was a mean 4.5°C warmer than the previous three winters, and nearly 1°C warmer than the mean 1971-2000 figure . There was a two-week cold snap at the end of January. Rainfall was 99% of the 1971-2000 average, and sunshine was 113% of the average. It was classed as a mild winter.

So, I rest my case. The story from last June was nonsensical scaremongering, fed by alchemy and pseudo-science.

Winter 2011/12 was NOT the coldest on record. Not by a million pieces of wet seaweed! Just like I predicted.

Punitive Pettiness #2

29/04/2012

DOAADI

DSA, General, Training

I mentioned in Punitive Pettiness #1 that I often use industrial estates for lessons in the evenings when there’s no one around. Colwick MPTC (the driving test centre) is on one of these, and about ½ mile away is Colwick Quays Business Park.

I’ve been using this area for years at nights and weekends. It is usually dead out of business hours – apart from the occasional lorry doing a sleepover, or dog walkers taking their mutts to foul the wasteland round the back.

To be honest, I also think I provide a service, because when I’m there on a lesson I am a deterrent to anyone thinking of breaking into any of the units, the majority of which appear to be vacant anyway.

I cause absolutely no inconvenience whatsoever to the businesses or any of their employees. However, it is obvious that my mere presence is a problem to someone somewhere.

Colwick Quays has been there for years. In all that time it has not changed (other than for businesses which have gone bankrupt vacating various units from time to time. The picture below shows what the entrance looked like up until Friday of this week.

This one shows what it’s like now, with the shiny new barrier.

Maybe it’s just my suspicious mind, but I’m convinced that simply because someone resented the presence of the occasional learner down there the cost associated with installing this barrier – a barrier which has been totally unnecessary since the place was built – is considered a worthwhile expense. Looking at the huge gaps, it’s hardly going to stop any footpads (or dog walkers). It’s specifically designed to stop “unauthorised” vehicles (i.e. learners).

I’m sure the businesses down that way will now prosper dramatically now that they have this shiny new barrier in place, and that it will result in enormous profits for them that they’ve been missing out on over the years.

The owners of the business park have tried to victimise driving instructors previously. They weren’t too eager to target anyone else – just instructors, and that’s in spite of the DSA being tenants on the land. Naturally, the end to private clamping no doubt put a damper on their source of satisfaction.

Mind you, although this particular location has typically been free from learners, over recent months a few more instructors have found it. I know of at least one who has been stupid enough to use the car parks back there during working hours when the tenants are actually using them. Prat!

As I’ve said before, some instructors are an olive short of a pizza. Their stupidity just plays into the hands of those petty-minded idiots who recoil at the idea of learners being allowed on the roads.

Punitive Pettiness #1

29/04/2012

DOAADI

ADI, DSA, General, Training

Sometimes, people will go to great lengths to apply punitive measures which are purely designed to get something that THEY want – usually at the expense of denying something to others.

I was at the test centre the other day and saw this letter pinned up on the noticeboard. This is the full text:

Dear Sir or Madam/Driving Standards Agency Representative

Appeal for Increased Community Sensitivity and Consideration from Driving Instructors and Driving Examiners

I am the local Neighbourhood Action Officer and I am writing on behalf of Nottingham City Council, Leen Valley Ward Councillors and local residents who live in the roads frequently used by Driving Examiners and Driving Instructors around of by Robins Wood Test Centre. I have been facilitating public meetings in this area, which are chaired by local councillors and are designed to enable residents to raise issues of concern and share ideas for improving the neighbourhood.

A serious and consistent issue has been brought up at meetings concerning the way Driving Examiners and Driving Instructors behave on the streets surrounding the test centre. I am requesting your help to reduce the impact of this problem.

The issues that have been raised are:

Litter thrown from cars

Parking in places which obscure visibility, cause obstruction and increase the risk of road accidents

Remaining stationery (sic) for long periods with the engine running in particular outside the bungalow at [number deleted] Prestwood Drive. A lady who lives in this bungalow has a serious lung condition which she believes is greatly worsened by the car fumes that come into her bungalow and she is unable to open her windows because of this.

I would like Driving Examiners and Instructors to be made aware of the stress their behaviour is causing the local community. We appreciate that everyone on the road was a learner once and we fully recognise the need for such valuable resource for the city, but if it is possible for Driving Examiners and Instructors to alter their routes a bit to ensure disruption to local residents is spread about a wider area this would mean a lot to the surrounding community.

We also request that Driving Examiners and Instructors support us by parking in places which are safe to do so and do not obstruct visibility, and by not dropping litter out of their cars. If it is possible to turn your engines off if you are stationery (sic) for a while this would be greatly appreciated. In particular if cars could refrain from using the corner find a range of different corners to use this would huge improve the quality of life of lady with lung problems.

I have been to the Test Centre on Chalfont Drive and made them aware of the situation and requested their co-operation, but if there is anything you can do to help in addition to this, I would be most grateful. If you would like to chat through any suggestions you might have to help the situation please get in touch, whichever way is best for you. Whatever you feel you can or cannot contribute I would appreciate a reply to this letter and look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Have you ever read such emotive or libellous nonsense?

Although I use Chalfont Drive Test Centre, I can honestly say I have never used the corner referred to on Prestwood Drive. The road isn’t that quiet, and for as long as I can remember there has been a bloody notice up in the test centre waiting room asking people not to use Prestwood Drive because of residents’ complaints (probably, ONE resident in particular, judging from this). I honestly can’t recall seeing any other instructor using it because of the nature of the road – the test centre is about ¼ mile down and there is a school opposite. On weekdays it’s too busy.

In any neighbourhood you always get one habitual complainer and since modern councils are staffed by weak-minded idiots, they end up spending a disproportionate amount of their time and money involving themselves in things that simply aren’t worth the effort, but which tick all the necessary politically correct boxes.

The junction in question is shown below. Note the school to the left and Prestwood Drive to the right.

With all due respect to “the lady” who has complained, if car fumes are affecting her lung condition – and I seriously doubt that – the effect will be a thousand times worse as a result of the mummies and daddies who park dangerously outside the school for hours at a time when they come to pick up their little darlings (the school “specialises in the dramatic arts”, so you can imagine the mummy-o-meter being off the scale most of the time). It’s horrendous down there most of the day, and not from learners. The specific complaint here is against learners – not car fumes – and it is part of a concerted attempt by someone to get their own way (the notice at the test centre being part of the campaign).

That leads on to the other ridiculous accusation about dangerous parking and increasing the risk of accidents. The standard of driving around that area is appalling, and it is NOT learners who are to blame. The only direct effect you could attribute to learners is that their mere presence makes the average jackass who lives around there (or who goes to pick up the next generation of Big Brother applicant from that school) drive even more dangerously than usual.

And as for “dropping litter”: someone should take the stupid idiot who wrote the letter to court over that. It’s just libel, and spawned by old dears who want learners – all except their grandchildren, obviously – banned from the roads.

Using me as an example, this is how it works. I’ve already said I don’t use Prestwood Drive (and never have). I do use Aspley Park Drive a couple of times a week. I do use the retirement bungalow estate between Beechdale Road and Wigman Road a couple of times a week (several roads on there are subject to “please don’t” notices in the test centre, and I avoid those). I do use areas in Bramcote a several times a week. I do use lots of other areas, too. I travel as far as Bingham to do manoeuvres – even with pupils who will do their tests at Chalfont Drive – because I can take in different road types. I use industrial estates all over the city (see Punitive Pettiness #2) in the evenings when they’re not in use. And so it goes on.

The bottom line is that if some Neighbourhood Watch Official, just out of college and with a shiny new NVQ in Local Government Affairs, decides to take a single road out of context with all of what I do, then I am suddenly a Criminal against The Community.

The author of that letter is very naive if she thinks moving the problem elsewhere will solve anything. She’s also even more naive if the can’t see that it is just a handful of chronic whingers she is siding with. If she satisfies all of them, there are plenty more ready to crawl out of the woodwork on every street in the county.

More Panic Buying

30/03/2012

DOAADI

ADI, Bad Drivers, General, Transport

Well, two of my local garages got fuel in again today – and there were queues at them all day. Fortunately, they weren’t as large as yesterday – although it WAS bad around midday-mid-afternoon.

I finally went in one of them tonight after my last lesson, and when the queues had almost gone. I thought I’d be in and out reasonably quickly, but when I got to the pay desk there was a stupid bitch with a credit card that the attendant was having to phone up someone about. Judging from his rolled eyes and repeated attempts, he couldn’t get through. In the end, we all heard clearly that she’d bought just over £12 of fuel! What was the bloody point?

When I got outside, they were queuing up the road again because no one else had been able to pay quickly and drive away.

Nice one, Victoria Mott. A nominee for the Darwin Awards 2012.

Meanwhile, the BBC reports that panic buying by people like Ms Mott is hitting small businesses hard. People are cancelling holidays and such like. It’s not surprising – yesterday I was seriously worried that I would have to cancel lessons, even though I had half a tank left.

Half a tank lasts me a day if I’m busy. The same amount would keep idiots like Ms Mott and her kind going for a bloody week.

Panic Buying Petrol – Woman Badly Burned In York

30/03/2012

DOAADI

ADI, Bad Drivers, General, Transport

I heard this on the radio a few minutes ago and it hasn’t filtered through properly into the news channels yet. Also on Sky News. More stories coming in from Yorkshire, and the BBC. Keep an eye on these as they will expand the story when more information comes in.

A woman in York has suffered 40% burns as the petrol she was transferring into different containers in her kitchen burst into flames.

This is entirely the fault of the “government’s” advice to panic buy.

Contrary to what it said, it did NOT withdraw the advice. It diluted it in an attempt to protect the moron who said it. The fact is, it WAS said. In just the same way that someone in court who says they “didn’t mean” to do something is still guilty of it, the “government” is guilty of advising people to panic buy.

Incoming stories suggest the woman had the gas cooker alight while she was doing it!

Cameron is totally out of touch with reality (and the electorate) if he thinks people aren’t this stupid. They are. And they are simply following the advice of HIS government.

Panic Buyers

30/03/2012

DOAADI

ADI, Bad Drivers, General, Transport

It made me laugh listening to news yesterday. Plenty of talk about garage forecourts “running low” or seeing “increased sales”. What planet does the BBC live on, where the entire surface of the earth appears to consist only of London and the Home Counties, and nowhere else.

In Nottingham, Asda at West Bridgford had a queue outside as I drove past on a lesson at around mid-afternoon. A glance in showed the garage was shut. There was a BBC van with big satellite dish on top parked in the pub next door, so it’s not like they didn’t know.

Around the same time, Bunny service station was closed with “No Fuel” signs outside.

All day, the Esso service Station in Ruddington had had long queues outside. By evening it was empty – and there isn’t a delivery scheduled until tonight at the earliest, so I’m told.

The garage on Meadow Lane only had diesel left.

This morning, I noticed the Crusader garage had “no fuel” signs up.

I’ve noticed that 90% of the panic buyers are old people and women with kids – those with nothing else to do all day. I’m sure their adventures in the queues are the sole topic around the dinner table or outside the school gates that day. All of them will happily back up into main roads, on to roundabouts, or anywhere else they fancy, without the slightest consideration for the obstruction they are causing. Let’s be honest, who but old people and women with kids could think as one-dimensionally as that?

Fuel should be rationed. And the ANPR system ought to be able to recognise regular customers and kick out those parasites who travel around.

And the police should get off their arses and do what the forces have been doing in other counties – moving people on who block roads.

I was really worried last night. With only about half a tank of fuel, I would only have had enough to get me through today (probably) and then I’d be screwed. Fortunately, on a lesson last night I took a pupil into a garage and we managed to fill up there – it was good experience, of course. but I prefer to do this when I think they’re ready, and not because I have to.

I use a tank of fuel every two days, and that’s only fits into my week if I have unrestricted access to fuel when I get low. Because of panic buying, I dare not stick to my schedule – I cannot, otherwise I’d simply end up out of gas. I’ve just got to bite the bullet and top up when I can – and keep my fingers crossed that even that is enough.

Panic buyers haven’t made me use more fuel, but they’ve forced me to have to fill up every day instead of every other day. I will be out of work if I don’t.

Panic buyers are imbeciles. Anyone reading this who has panic bought fuel when they don’t need it is an imbecile. Anyone thinking of panic buying is an imbecile.

Morons Panic Buying Fuel

28/03/2012

DOAADI

ADI, Bad Drivers, General, Transport

After that idiot Francis Maude told everyone to go out an panic buy fuel today – and after his so-called boss made matters worse by implying that people should only panic buy sensibly – that’s exactly what they were doing tonight (minus the “sensible” part).

There were huge queues at the garages.

They weren’t putting much in, either. A stupid bitch in a white BMW X6 attempted to barge her way in front of me (and failed), and then spent literally less than 30 seconds putting diesel in the damned thing after she’d pushed in front of someone else. She must have spent less than a tenner!

If they can’t afford to run the damned things properly they shouldn’t have them. As I often tell my pupils, not all of the jackasses who have these big cars actually own them. They technically belong to the finance company.

Category - General