Category - Transport

Changes To The Driving Licence

An email alert from the DSA advises that from 19 January 2013, driving licences in the UK UK Driving Licence (joke version)will change to comply with new European Union rules.

To be honest, the changes aren’t that significant, so it isn’t anything to worry about.

Unfortunately, in keeping with the UK’s desire to remain backward for as long as possible, the licence will still consist of a photocard and a paper counterpart. Remember that the counterpart is that bit you put away somewhere safe and then can’t find when you need it, or which gets mangled because your wallet gets wet if you’re daft enough to keep it with you all the time.

The sooner we get biometric licences the better. But, being the UK, this is probably a decade or more away.

Yet More Nottingham Traffic Chaos

On my way to Radcliffe On Trent this morning I got to end of Lings Bar (A52) and traffic was at a standstill heading into Nottingham. I picked up my pupil and we drove off towDelays Expected Sign - Tough Luckards Bingham, and got into Nottingham via the A46 and A6097 (it only took about 20 minutes going that way). The Nottingham-bound traffic was solid right back to the Bingham roundabout, suggesting that it extended even further back than that – so a jam of at least 6 miles in length.

I turned on the radio and enabled traffic announcements and very quickly discovered the problem. Roadworks. Again.

Yes, at Gamston – where there are three lanes – it was down to a single lane because of yet more idiotic roadworks. And this was during the rush hour, of course – there’d be no point doing it any other time because it wouldn’t cause enough of a problem, would it?

I’ve written several times about how the idiotic Nottingham City Council has authorised long-term road and lane closures for the waste of money that is Phase II of the tram system at exactly the same time as allowing National Grid (gas) and whoever Morgan Sindall (electric) are working for to tear up dozens of roads all at the same time. There are temporary lights in literally dozens of places, the majority of which are 3- or 4-way in order to cause the utmost inconvenience to the motorist. To make matters worse, the idle layabouts responsible are missing completion dates repeatedly, and the already pointlessly long predicted durations are over-running by weeks at a time. National Grid in particular appear to have made a huge mistake commencing work in so many places at once, and evidence suggests they are unable to actually complete many of the individual jobs they have begun.

As I’ve also said before, work like this used to be completed in a fraction of the time it does now. They actually plan to close roads for long periods, only engage in actual physical activity for perhaps 10% of the available time, and still miss the completion dates they originally plastered all over the place on their signs.

The particular case referred to in this article was again down to National Grid. I have no idea if it was a repair they were carrying out, or yet more of their highly inefficient gas-main replacement jobs, but to say it caused chaos during today’s rush hour is an understatement

Further Nottingham Tram Fiasco Planned

I saw on the local news just now that shop owners in Chilwell and Beeston are worried that their businesses will collapse if Nottingham City Council closes two major roads.

Hilariously (and I mean in the circus clown sense), the Council has not informed traders of its plans, and these traders are worried that moves are afoot to close High Road and Chilwell Road in Beeston “for several months”.

During evening rush hour, it is already absolute chaos on the ring road as a result of University Boulevard being down to a single lane. All it takes is some dickhead breaking down or rear-ending another car and traffic comes to a complete standstill as there is nowhere else for it to go.

As I reported a few days ago – after the incompetent NET workers “overran” and caused total gridlock during morning rush hour – both NET and Nottingham City Council would be guilty of criminal incompetence if such a crime existed. Apparently, the loss to local businesses that day was in excess of £2,000,000! And numerous roads are already closed – many for “up to 12 months” – with others being shut all the time. There are restrictions and temporary lights everywhere, and not just from the tram works – the imbeciles in the City Council have also allowed unrestricted gas main and electricity service maintenance work to go ahead simultaneously with all this.

To make matters worse, the contractors involved in utilities road works now seem to favour 3-way and 4-way control, with the extended waits and increased queues this creates. And in some places the gas main work has been ongoing for 3 months or more (notably, on Westdale Lane and Cavendish Road in Carlton, with no end in site). The Council is apparently making no effort to get these idiot contractors to finish the work and get out of everyone’s way once and for all.

They’ve tried to blame the recent rain – well, in the case of the gas mains, if they’d have done their bloody jobs properly in the first place they wouldn’t be having to work in water-filled holes because they’d have packed up and moved on months ago. And I’m sure that NET and the Council have heard of weather forecasts, so it’s just a shame that they’re simply to stupid to adjust their work around heavy rain and so choose to create gridlock instead.

When you consider all of this, it is no wonder that Beeston and Chilwell traders are worried about what the Council intends to do. Total road closures in that area are absolutely likely with these idiots calling the shots. They don’t give a damn about road users or businesses – all they want is for their beloved tram extension to get built.

We’re in recession. Even if we’re technically out of recession (by about 0.0001% of growth), businesses are still closing by the shed load every day. Those traders in Chilwell and Beeston can’t afford to lose customers, otherwise it is absolutely guaranteed that they will go bankrupt. And Nottingham City Council is the only thing they can rely on.

God help them!

According to the BBC News, the Council says “disruption is inevitable”, but they are “trying to keep it to a minimum.” You can see the effects of this “minimum” every night – University Boulevard could easily have been kept as two-lanes, and the NET work could easily have been done faster and more competently. As things stand, absolutely nothing is being done to expedite the work (they weren’t working today, for example), and events like those last week are never far from the surface.

The BBC article interviewed Cllr Jane Urquhart. She looked like a terrified amateur being interviewed, and performed like one as well (all breathless and fast-talking):

We’re gong to maintain the maximum possible access… we’re continuing to have the discussions and work with our County Council highways colleagues and the tram project team…

I’m getting flashbacks again. That is bureaucratic bullshit. So far, they’ve done everything BUT maintain “maximum possible access”.In fact, much of the disruption looks almost deliberate – particularly when you consider the ridiculously long planned duration of it, and the total chaos every single night (and that’s no exaggeration). The Council should be TELLING their highways “colleagues” and the people they have EMPLOYED to build the tram what to do – not letting THEM call the shots and prattling on about “teams”.

As I’ve said before, the tram is a monumental and pointless waste of money. It isn’t green, and it isn’t pretty. The extra carbon emissions created by the traffic jams (especially the £2m cock-up last week) during construction will take decades to be offset – and that’s even assuming that there is any positive impact on emissions from the tram once it begins operating, which is unlikely (except in Council justification documents).

Nottingham Tram Works – A Case Of Criminal Incompetence!

If there was ever such a thing as criminal incompetence, the entire staff of both Nottingham City Council and NET (the idiots who run Nottingham’s tram) would be guilty of it.

I woke up this morning to find the city gridlocked. And I mean GRIDLOCKED. Traffic was at a standstill everywhere.

I had a 9am appointment at the Queens Medical Centre following a two-month Deliberate Delayswait for a GP referral slot. I tried to get there, but a journey which would normally have taken 10 minutes had to be aborted after only managing to travel less than 1 mile in 45 minutes. To make matters worse, when I called the NHS – which has to run the City Council and NET a close second for stupidity – I was told they couldn’t access my records without a password (so I couldn’t even tell them I was sorry that I couldn’t get in), and that this should have been provided with my referral letter from my GP. I explained I didn’t get a referral letter, and that the GP had done it directly, and was told that my surgery would be able to provide it. Of course, when I phoned my surgery the only person with access to the password system was stuck in the bloody traffic!

It turned out to be almost entirely the fault of tram works, which had “over run” – a euphemistic description for yet another total and incompetent balls up by NET workers.

This meant that University Boulevard – already down to one lane at the best of times – was closed. And it was topped off by some wanker over-turning their car on whatTemporary Lights for utilities works appears to have been a 30mph road (listening to the traffic reports) near Wilford. All of this was before, during, and after the rush hour.

I tried every possible route to get to the QMC, but gave up in the city centre. The gridlock extended as far south as Bunny on the A60. And the icing on the cake was that all the usual rat runs I know were also snarled up with people trying to bypass the mess – which in itself was made all the more worse by the numerous utilities road works which the idiot council has allowed to take place simultaneously both with each other and the tram works. As I’ve said previously, the tram works already involve numerous semi-permanent or long-term road closures. It took me nearly two hours to get back home again.

While we’re on the subject, I noticed several ambulances stuck also trying to get to A&E and the QMC. I hope anyone who was lying in the back considers suing the council and NET back to the Stone Age. And the police ought to be doing something about it now – it’s gone beyond a joke. It really is becoming a case of criminal stupidity.

DSA Advice: Roundabouts

The DSA has sent out one of its periodic advice emails. This one concerns roundabouts.

When reaching the roundabout you should:

  • give priority to traffic approaching from your right, unless directed otherwise by signs, road markings or traffic lights
  • check whether road markings allow you to enter the roundabout without giving way. If so, proceed, but still look to the right before joining
  • watch out for all other road users already on the roundabout; be aware they may not be signalling correctly or at all
  • look forward before moving off to make sure traffic in front has moved off

Rule 185

I’ve given a lot of advice on how to handle roundabouts, including the non-existent 12 o’clock rule and also the Nuthall roundabout in Nottingham, and one of the main points to be aware of is that they’re not all the same and you cannot apply the exact same detailed procedure to every one you ever encounter, particularly when it comes to lane choice and signalling.

The DSA’s advice is written in a level of detail (i.e. not too much) so that it applies to all roundabouts for all normal drivers.

Once again, the amateur Sherlock Holmes’ out there (all driving instructors, obviously) are waffling on about the picture of that green car turning right and being shown in the right-hand lane – even though the green arrows show that it can exit in either lane (which it can).

What they all miss is the fact that the roundabout in the picture has two lanes on every entry, and this defines two lanes on the roundabout itself. It would be far more risky for anyone turning right to change lanes on most roundabouts part way through, and especially so for learners and inexperienced drivers (of which there are far more than the average amateur Sherlock Holmes realises, and some of those are a lot closer to home than he thinks).

So the position of the green car in the right-hand exit lane is actually the safest option – unless you’re a super-duper advanced-driving expert who doesn’t need to follow road markings or use signals merely because you read it in Roadcraft once!

Addendum: If you don’t like receiving these DSA advice (or other) emails – which it appears some don’t – then there is an absolutely clear link on each one which says “Unsubscribe”. Subscribing to them in the first place required a very deliberate act on the part of the subscriber. It stands to reason that unless the DSA is employing psychics now, unsubscribing will also require a very deliberate counter action on the part of that same subscriber!

Of course, if you don’t get them sent to you anymore then there’ll be nothing to complain about in future…

Why Aren’t We All Driving Electric Cars?

Some people ask the stupidest questions! (old, dead link)

That article refers to electric cars in 1900 constituting 34% of all cars on the roads (in Boston, Chicago, and New York), and then asks why it is less than 1% in the present day.

The reasons are simple:

  • ridiculously low range
  • lack of charging points
  • lengthy charging times
  • huge expense

When an electric car can do 500 miles on a full charge, be “refuelled” in as many places as there are gas stations at the present time, cost the same as a normal car, and take a minimum 75% charge in less than 5 minutes, then they will become acceptable.

In the meantime, having a maximum range of about 80 miles, with charging points being rarer than hens teeth, and a 75% charge (i.e. maximum 60 miles range) taking half an hour (12 hours if you want to “fill it up”), and costing 2-3 times the price of a normal vehicle, electric cars will remain the preferred choice of the over-earning plonker with more money than sense who doesn’t really need a car at all.

Nottingham Gridlock +1

When I was out on lessons today I noticed that “they” – whoever that is – have dug a hole in the middle of Pennyfoot Street, and they weren’t working on it! Both sides were reduced to a single lane.

Huntingdon Street heading south was also down to one lane – but I think this may have been just a Sunday thing (though they chose to do it on the busiest Sunday of the year, with the Goose Fair and all that).

Anyone who has been caught in the gridlock I mentioned recently had better prepare for absolute chaos tomorrow (Monday) if this isn’t sorted out tonight! If you are trying to avoid the single lane on Mansfield Road (which tails back through the city as far back as West Bridgford), Pennyfoot Street is one possible escape route. But not if its down to a single lane.

Nottingham City Council have got to be doing this deliberately – and if it’s not deliberate then it is just utter incompetence.

Why Is Nottingham Gridlocked?

Update: February 2020 take a look here (Clifton Bridge closed).

Update: If you want to know what the problem was on 21 November 2012, take a look here.

The simple answer is: because the Nottingham City Council is the biggest bunch of pillocks on the planet. Let’s explain that in a little more detail.

Gas Main Replacement

Gas Main Piping

Standard Health & Safety procedure dictates that no work is allowed within 3 hours of sunrise or sunset, or at weekends. Outside of these times, workers are expected to stand around playing with their mobile phones or reading newspapers in their vans. Regulations also stipulate that any activity within 0.5km of a road requires half of it blocking off and 3 or 4-way traffic lights installing. These lights should be programmed to freeze at least once during out-of-hours periods. The Work Fairy will come along from time to time and make sure just enough gets done to make some progress.

Electric Cable Replacement

Morgan Sindall is apparently contracted to do something with the underground electricity cables, and again this work has been authorised to commence all at once in various locations around Nottingham, and at the exact same time as all the other works. The sign says these works are scheduled to last for two whole weeks.

Severn Trent Water

Water Leak

A typical Severn Trent project involves someone (like me) seeing a leak and reporting it. The Report-a-Leak hotline will behave as if it doesn’t know what you’re talking about, and will not have a clue what location you are trying to identify unless you can give them a house number, postcode, and the inside leg measurement of the bloke who lives there (which isn’t easy when you merely drove past it and saw water running along the road). The leak will then persist for up to several months until either a) enough people have reported it, or b) a chasm opens up and it becomes serious enough for people to take more notice of it. Then, within an hour, the road will be cordoned off and 3 or 4-way lights installed for up to 7 days while the now huge problem is fixed.

Water pipes seem to have a tendency to be situated right in the middle of the road – and even if they’re not, you can bet that the actual leak will be. This ensures that any work involves major disruption.

(Seriously, I’ve reported two leaks, but I will never do it again.)

NET and The Tram Extension

Nottingham Tram

The tram system is obviously green and eco-friendly, and while the NET workers are tearing up greenbelt land and digging up roads in their eco-friendly way, it is essential that they do so for as long as possible (12 months is cited on most signs around the city) and cause tens of thousands of motorists to sit stationary with their engines running every weekday between about 3.00 in the afternoon and 8.00 in the evening.

Assorted Other Problems

While the above works are taking place, Nottingham City Council (and, surprisingly, the police) will have decided that the city “can cope” and will, for example, allow things like the Nottingham Marathon with its associated road closures to go ahead on the same day (and at a similar time) to Nottingham Forest’s home match against Derby County at the City Ground. And also commencing the same day will be a week’s worth of road closures associated with the massive Goose Fair. Oh, and on one day this week there was apparently a big trial on at the Crown Court which required half the Nottingham police force armed with machine guns to be in attendance (according to a pupil of mine).


I have seen the following roadworks in progress just today(5th October):

  • Clifton – top end of Farnborough Road, 3-way lights due to tram works
  • Porchester Road – traffic lights for gas main works
  • Carlton – road closures, one-way systems, and 4-way traffic lights for gas main works
  • Sherwood – on Mansfield Road out of the city, 3-way lights for electricity main works and down to a single lane.
  • Arnold Lane – near the church, 3-way traffic lights for gas main works
  • Keyworth – Nottingham Road near the Indian restaurant, Severn Trent encampment and traffic lights.
  • University Boulevard – single lane outbound and intermittently single lane inbound due to tram works.
  • Beeston – traffic lights on Middle Street due to tram works.
  • Ruddington Lane – now closed for 6 months due to tram works.
  • Middle Hill – in City Centre, now closed due to tram works.

I know that there are plenty more around, but these alone enable us to answer the question about why Nottingham is gridlocked.

The recent work in Sherwood is causing traffic to back up from early afternoon all the way back into the city centre via Huntingdon Street, and down London Road towards West Bridgford. People seeking alternative routes are therefore blocking other roads as they’re hindered by the roadworks in other places. All of this is on top of the usual congestion along routes out of the city.

Those Sherwood works are the straw that broke the camel’s back. There is literally no viable alternative route past this gridlock… and it’s all thanks to those halfwits in the City Council.

Idiots Ignoring Diversions In Roadworks

This story tells of a number of “near misses” involving workmen (link removed as now dead), where drivers have stopped to remove cones so that they can drive through roadworks instead of following signed diversion routes.

The implication is that they’re even stopping on motorways (the M60 and M56) to do it, so they can use slip roads!

Between 2005 and 2010, nine road workers were killed and more seriously injured while working on England’s motorways and major A roads as a direct result of accidents involving drivers travelling past or through works.

One Way SignObviously, the concept of safety is a little hard for some Mancunians to grasp when you read this news story..

Mind you, it isn’t just in Manchester that stupidity exists. The other day I was driving along a road which has been temporarily made one-way while gas main maintenance work takes place. As I came around a bend there was some prick driving towards me – baseball cap, face like a potato with a walnut stapled to it. He knew he was driving the wrong way – he’d either ignored the No Entry sign at the end of the road, or if he was a resident he knew full well he was going the wrong way, but he probably thought he was dead clever by not taking the diversion.

The irony is that the signed diversion is a maximum of about half a mile. In his case, judging from where he was – it would have been about a quarter of that.

The police should throw the book at prats like these. And the courts should remove their licences permanently.

National Express Driver “Reacted Quickly”

This story on the BBC is interesting. A National Express bus crashed into, and killed, a pedestrian – it was doing 62mph in a 50mph zone.

Just to clarify that: it was doing a measured 12mph over the speed limit. Or in other words, the speedo in the cab was likely to be showing closer to 70mph.

When I’m on the motorway driving at the speed limit I am frequently overtaken by National Express coaches. They often pass at quite considerable relative speed. I very rarely overtake one myself. A bit like Audis, really.

I half-jokingly warn my pupils to be careful around them because they’re “Exocet missiles with custom body jobs”.

A passenger on the bus said that the driver “reacted quickly”. I can’t see how this is going to cancel out that thing about driving over the speed limit.