This made me laugh. Public urination is a big problem in India, it seems, and a group of vigilantes have come up with a solution.
They’ve got a water cannon, and they drive around looking for the urinators – at which point they blast them with it. We’re not talking about a toy here, either. The cannon looks like it is capable of stripping the tarmac off a road! It’s labelled “The Pissing Tanker”.
In all honesty, it looks like a bit of a set up. But whether it is genuine or not – and it probably isn’t – it’s still an amusing video.
Apparently, East Midlands airport has been closed today because a cargo plane suffered a “landing gear failure”. The picture below shows the nature of the “failure”.
It’s a bit like that episode of The Simpsons where Sideshow Bob’s brother has rigged a dam with dynamite, and – with Bob hanging on to one of the charges – says, as he prepares to push the plunger:
You might hear a slight ringing in your ears – fortunately, you’ll be nowhere near them.
You have to laugh. I heard this on the radio today – and before anyone starts, it’s funny because no one got hurt, and you couldn’t write a better comedy script if you tried.
A woman was driving through the lions’ enclosure at Longleat Safari Park when her car caught fire!
What makes it funnier was that as she tried to get out, rangers were shouting at her to get back in. I suppose it was to give them time to get the lions out of the way, otherwise it could have been a lot worse. According to one witness, the lions watched the entire show from a respectable distance.
Danny Jones, 22, filmed himself on a mobile phone slipstreaming an ambulance on an emergency call in Wigan. Then – as is typical of his class of slime – he posted it on various social media sites.
Jones – whose likeness to a potato with a walnut stapled to it is astounding – is seen and heard smugly commentating:
I appear to have found a quicker way to work. Everybody is beeping at me and I don’t care. Are you ready? This is the quickest way to work. Follow this. Pulling over, pulling over, not me lad, I’m there, I’m on it, I’m going past. Ta-ra all.
Jones’ kinship to potatoes seems to extend inwards as well as outwards. The starchy tuber that passes as his head has prompted him to claim that “it looks worse than it is”. He said:
I was keeping my distance, there was a queue of cars behind me. It looks a lot worse than it was. It’s claiming (one thing), but that’s not what it actually is. It’s nowhere near as bad as what the video makes out. I was doing the speed limit and I was maintaining my distance behind the ambulance, it just looks like I’m following it. In reality, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m keeping my distance and I’m not going through any red lights.
Well, his employers didn’t see things quite the same way. He lost his job – and it serves him bloody well right. The police also appear to be on to the case. Let’s hope that they manage to explain to Dannyboy, via the courts, that waving a mobile phone around while you are driving in traffic is illegal – and having the camera switched on so it can record you doing it is just about the most damning evidence possible. He should lose his licence for a considerable period, and be required to take an extended test – anything that might force some common sense and maturity into that bloated skull of his. Mind you, he is also quoted:
I wasn’t expecting this, it was something that was between a few mates, or it was meant to be.
He said that, knowing he has 24,000 followers on Facebook, where he chose to post the video. What a prat.
Sam Wilson, 25, is a new front runner in the 2014 Darwin Awards. Wilson, from Bingham in Nottinghamshire, was driving his car to a scrap yard, expecting to get £150 for it. However, he had the bright idea of taking parts off it with the intention of selling them separately.
He had removed all the doors, the bonnet, and – judging by the photos – most of the lights, including the indicators. The article doesn’t say anything about the brake lights, but since they are part of the rear cluster, and since the article definitely states that there were no indicators… well, you have to hazard a guess. In fact, look closely and you can see that the rear cluster is gone.
Championing his Darwin Awards nomination, Wilson said after he attended court:
The car didn’t have any lights on it, but my argument was that it was daylight.
It didn’t have any signals either, but I used arm signals to indicate…
…Wilson added he thought the car was safe to drive because it still had an MOT certificate…
In the Telegraph version he also claimed:
…there were kit cars on the road that also lacked features such as doors and lights.
You need to get your eyes tested, Sammyboy. You won’t see many cars without brake lights on the roads. Except for ones like yours. The police didn’t share his wisdom. They said:
It wouldn’t have taken much to realise that the skeleton of a vehicle Wilson was trying to drive on the carriageway was not roadworthy.
It beggars belief that he thought he could drive it without anyone having concerns.
It isn’t clear how or why Wilson thought the scrap dealer would pay the full £150 after he had taken the very parts off it that those who go to scrap yards are looking for which justifies that scrap value in the first place. He was eventually paid £70 for it which meant – after his £250 fine and shiny new three-points on his licence – he made a loss of £180 on the deal. Mind you, as a student I’m sure he got some great selfies and will have a great tale to tell in the Student Bar for a while.
It never ceases to amaze me that people think an MoT certificate somehow covers them no matter what condition their car is in at the time it is examined while out on the road. If a bulb breaks as you are driving away from your MoT then the car instantly becomes “unroadworthy”, and you are liable.
A reader sent me this link to an article in the Daily Mash. Titled “Roads are not a velodrome”, it pokes fun at that spiralling number of wannabe athletes who behave like apes on our roads as they take their fragile, expensive, two-wheeled toys that they can’t handle – either physically or mentally – out on to routes which are already dangerous.
Last week, on the Virgin roundabout in Colwick, for example, two of these twats were riding side-by-side and deliberately straight-lined it – still side-by-side. The retard who gave me the evil-eye is hopefully on some sort of court order to prevent him having children for the sake of society. He really shouldn’t be allowed to breed, but unfortunately people like him can usually do it asexually – and I’ll bet asexual sex is something he IS good at. Because cycling certainly doesn’t make the list.
It would appear that a rat weighing around 1kg chewed through concrete and wood to gain entry into a Stockholm kitchen, whereupon it traumatised the human and feline inhabitants for several days until it was finally caught in a giant mousetrap.
As you can see from the photo, it was bloody huge – and unlike the British examples, it really does look like a proper rat. Mind you, yet again something which is such a scientific curiosity that it should be on display in a museum has been destroyed and cannot therefore be verified.
Note the nonsense at the end of the article. There is no scientific evidence that rats are getting bigger – and yet scientists “believe” that they could eventually grow to the size of sheep and weigh nearly 13 stones.
A few weeks ago The Old Angel pub was forced to cancel a Valentine’s Day event it was organising called “Bag a Slag, Grab a Hag”. The organiser was one of the female staff and it was just a bit of fun, offering those taking part free drinks.
The important thing to bear in mind here is that you can safely bet that a significant proportion of those taking part would have been neither slags or hags. That’s why it was simply a “fun” event. But that didn’t stop the local Feminist Action Network (FAN) representative, Ruth Greenburg, from asking:
Is that all women are – slags and hags?
You can safely conclude that FAN is completely devoid of any sense of humour whatsoever. And Nottingham City Council also showed its true colours yet again by trumping up the charges and effectively threatening the landlord’s licence.
It was interesting, therefore, to see this new BBC story today reporting that student feminist campaigners had succeeded in getting newspapers like The Sun and The Daily Star banned from Student Union shops on the University campus. And all because of Page 3.
Francesca Garforth, who led the campaign group University of Nottingham Feminists with Jo Lockwood Estrin, said it was simply wrong to use suggestive pictures as a way of selling papers.
“It takes the idea that this woman has an opinion and is allowed to voice it because she’s also got her breasts out,” she said.
Miss Estrin said: “The amount of people it harms – one in seven women on university campuses in the UK are raped or seriously sexually assaulted and we do believe that it is a link to these kinds of images being normalised.
“Seeing these images on a day-to-day basis normalises the idea that women are there and voiceless.”
Well, I suppose everyone is entitled to their 15 minutes of fame. Meanwhile, the women who choose to appear on Page 3 will, of course, continue to make wads of money in spite of Garforth and Estrin’s “victory”. And the students will just buy their copies of the papers somewhere else.
Another funny story (funny for the rest of us) – from Florida this time. Patrick Snay had been in dispute over losing his job as a headmaster, and the authorities had agreed an out-of-court settlement of $80,000. Snay had to agree not to reveal the terms of the settlement. So far, so good.
But it would appear that Mr Snay had not really learnt much about the mentalities of the age group he had been associated with for however long he’d been a headmaster.
His daughter, Dana, immediately went on to Facebook and blabbed:
Mama and Papa Snay won the case against Gulliver. Gulliver is now officially paying for my vacation to Europe this summer. SUCK IT,
Like most immature people, she had a list of followers as long as your arm – and some were either current or former pupils at the school. She had some 1,200 followers, to be a little more precise. Gulliver immediately went back to the court, which has ruled in their favour and blocked the settlement.
So Mama and Papa Snay won’t be getting $80,000 after all. And Dana won’t be gallivanting around Europe at Gulliver’s expense. If her parents have anything about them, she won’t be gallivanting anywhere at anyone’s expense.
This is the reaction of an Irish father to the news that his son had failed his driving test. Be warned that it contains swearing and phrases that some might find objectionable (especially that crazy woman from Manchester).
It’s worth pointing out that most of the Irish people I’ve ever known have sounded like they wanted to punch my lights out, even when they’re being friendly, so bear that in mind as you watch it.
