June, 2013 - Diary Of An ADI

People Love To Gloat

30/06/2013

This story in the newsfeeds is a prime example of gloating. It tells how a learner driver in Gossau, Switzerland, ended up in a small ditch whilst on a lesson.

The story dwells on the fact that the learner had “only” had seven hours of lessons. So what? I started with a new pupil last week who’d never driven before. He’d never even sat in the driver’s seat of a car. Yet on the first lesson he ended up driving by himself for a distance of at least 15 miles. We had the third lesson today (which now totals 5 hours), and we’ve attempted all of the manoeuvres – and the only thing to sort out with those involves practice and polish.

Although it’s been a while since I had one of these, at the other end of the scale you occasionally get people who take two or three times that amount of lessons before they can even negotiate a simple junction, and even then it can still go wrong. They can’t help it, and they aren’t doing it deliberately. They just aren’t natural drivers.

We don’t know anything at all about the learner in the story. No one seems interested in the important facts, or in how that pupil must feel knowing everyone is rubbing their hands over her misfortune. They just want to gloat.

It appears that she hit the gas instead of the brake, which isn’t uncommon. Mine will sometimes do it when they first try a manoeuvre, but I never lose control. My feet hover over the pedals just in case. And it’s the same with steering – I always assume that pupils will do something strange or dramatic until I know them well enough to be sure that they won’t. They sometimes try it, especially when they see a bus or lorry coming towards them, and I even had one dyspraxic who suddenly tried to drive across a pavement next to a straight road, and who couldn’t explain why.

So the only question that seems to crop up here is why the instructor wasn’t ready for it.

However, there is a saying, often attributed to John Bradford, which goes “there but for the grace of God, go I”. In a nutshell, it means that it could happen to anyone – and that means both the learner driver, the instructor, and any other driver in cases such as these.

Test Pass: 28/6/2013

30/06/2013

DOAADI

Driving Tests

I haven’t had anyone go to test for a while, so well done Charlotte who passed this week first time with 8 driver faults. I told you you could do it!

She’s been one of those pupils who has been a pleasure to teach. She came to me through references from the mother of a brother and sister I’d previously taught (both of whom passed first time), and as a result of not progressing very well with her previous instructor. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her ability to drive, but she’d been allowed to go too slowly and to be hesitant at every junction – whether it was clear or not. This had turned into a habit (my conclusion, and not something she’d told me), and we all know that habits are hard to break.

But now all that is behind her and she is a fully-fledged driver!

ZZ Top @ Manchester O2 Apollo

26/06/2013

DOAADI

Music

As everyone knows, the 1980s were the worst decade ever. Even another outbreak of the Bubonic Plague couldn’t have made the 80s any worse as far as new bands and music were concerned. Some of the best pre-80s bands faltered – depending on the source, even Rush came fairly close to splitting as a result of synthesisers taking over the band’s sound. Punk certainly lost out to the New Romantic crap, and in later years many of the original punks moved over to dance and pop, even though the so-called “ideals” of punk were diametrically opposed to those of these later genres.

Ooops! I’m digressing. One band which definitely went through an 80s phase was ZZ Top. I can remember listening to Top of the Pops each week and being driven mad by the lack of any decent rock music. But occasionally, the likes of ZZ Top or another pre-80s band would open a small window of decent sound, even though it was clad in typical 80s gaudiness. I’m thinking of songs like Gimme All Your Lovin’ and Legs, with their Eastmancolor videos and bouffant hairdos on the girls.

Ben Miller Band - Electric Washboard ZZ Top has actually been around since the late 60s, but I can’t remember them hitting it big in the UK until the very late 70s or early 80s, and as I say the 80s did a lot of damage to a lot of bands. Fortunately, ZZ Top weathered it – largely due to Billy Gibbons’ foresight, I reckon – and have continued to release new material. Output has slowed a little in the last 15 years or so, but this isn’t surprising when you consider that all three band members are well into their sixties now. Even so, the recent material has been very good.

It was with all this in mind that I’d arranged to see them on one of their UK shows – at Manchester’s O2 Apollo, last night.

First, a word about the support act, the Ben Miller Band. This next thing isn’t something you ever expect to write about – and I doubt that I’ll ever have to do it again – but last night I saw my first ever electric washboard. There it is on the left. Note the signal cable coming out of the bottom of it. There were electric spoons, too.

Oh, yeah. And I’ve seen guitarists playing guitar and drums at the same time, vocalists singing and playing flute at the same time, and all manner of other clever multitasking tricks. But I think seeing someone play trombone and drums at the same time is a first.

BMB is classed variously as Delta Blues, Ozarks, Bluegrass, Newgrass, Jug Band, and so on. In fact, all three members are multi-instrumentalists, and they play the sort of music that my dream of doing Route 66 one day would take in. I didn’t see any jugs, but I’m sure they can play one- and I bet there’s a ¼” jack in it when they do!

The other main feature was the bass player. Not an ordinary one, but a single-stringed washtub bass.

What mattered was the music, of course. And they were brilliant! Yet another case where the support band has prompted me to get their album. And judging from the reception they got, the audience felt the same way.

ZZ Top played several of their songs from the La Futura album (their latest), as well as some old favourites. The older ones from the 80s come across really well when you strip the videos away – this is just my opinion, of course, because I’ve already mentioned how much the 80s music scene screwed up my enjoyment of rock. They also went as far back as 1971 into their back catalogue. I Gotsta Get Paid is great live, as is Sharp Dressed Man. They also did a cover of Foxy Lady.

Billy Gibbons is a superb guitarist – I believe he is consistently in the Top 100 Guitarists of All Time lists – and the sound was crisp and clear. I was surprised that they only played a venue the size of the Apollo, which has a capacity of about 3,500, but it must have been sold out. I was also surprised that they only had two UK gigs, because I’d would have imagined them being able to fill arenas with ease.

The crowd was enthusiastic and there was a great atmosphere throughout, marred only slightly by a group of dickheads in front of me who had obviously had too much to drink, and who decided that dancing wildly without any regard for those around them was a good idea. I suppose it was until one of them nearly got his teeth punched in by the guy he was jumping all over. Either that – or the beer they were swilling – calmed them down after that. They then spent almost the entire show holding up Blackberry phones to take photos (it always makes me laugh when I see someone taking pictures on a Blackberry).

Here’s a selection pictures I took. I was close to the stage and they’ve come out well.

Is It Human, Or Is It Animal?

24/06/2013

DOAADI

Bad Drivers, News

This story tells how Wesley Coolledge, 23, has been banned from driving since he was 12. After being stopped by police, and discovered to be over the legal limit, his initial false identity claim collapsed and they realised who he was.

Coolledge was banned for a further 3 years just for the driving rap. The alcohol one is still to come.

What always fascinates me in these stories is how anyone could live a life like that. I mean, to have been in such trouble permanently from at least the age of 12, and to show no signs of trying to crawl up out of the pond and improve yourself. You really cannot believe such people are human, sometimes.

The do-gooders would berate you for thinking that. But what will Coolledge and those like him do next? They have no concept of “rules”, so other people mean nothing to them.

It makes you shudder.

Car-free Zones, Road Closures, Circus Acts

24/06/2013

DOAADI

ADI, News, Transport

Circus acts? The big question has to be: who are the real clowns?

This BBC story reveals that Bristol has introduced a “car-free Sunday” scheme, where certain city centre roads are closed to traffic. Bristol Mayor, George Ferguson – trying hard to look casual by not wearing a tie and sporting horrendous green trousers – appears proud of his “Make Sunday Special” initiative.

Apparently, it works in Bogota – a city with one of the worst traffic congestion problems in the known universe. And in Bordeaux – an ancient city which is somewhat closer to the equator, and which has wall-to-wall sunshine most of the year. So it just has to work in Bristol, right?

Instead of cars, Bristol’s streets are being turned over to jugglers, a few more jugglers, acrobats who can juggle… oh, and then some more jugglers. Proving clearly that George Ferguson hasn’t got a bloody clue. Believe me, juggling gets old very fast indeed. Once you’ve seen one dreadlocked hippy juggling, you’ve seen them all, and the idea that the average juggler is going to keep performing for free while you pretend Bristol is the same as Bordeaux is just silly. It isn’t something you want in your way when you’re trying to get to the bloody shops to buy some milk and bread.

As you’d expect, Bristol’s motorists aren’t particularly impressed. And who can blame them.

And frighteningly, the report claims that “other councils” are watching closely.

Bus Lanes, Councils, And CCTV

24/06/2013

DOAADI

ADI, News, Transport

I have long held the belief that councils are far more interested in their finances and petty one-upmanship against the motorist than they are in serving the people who elected them. For example, I recently reported that in the wake of impending changes to legislation, whereby police will be able to issue penalty charges (PCNs) and licence points to people who demonstrate careless driving, Nottingham City Council (NCC) announced that it is prepared to spend taxpayers’ money sending out a camera car to try and catch more of them in the act. It’s worth pointing out that they already have such a car, and they use it around the City Centre to patrol bus lanes and no stopping areas, though this doesn’t mean that they’d not willingly buy a fleet of the damned things were they to go ahead with this vendetta.

It’s hard to see what benefit this could have to NCC, since they themselves cannot gain financially, nor can they actually issue PCNs. In fact, it would cost an additional fortune for them to report any videoed instances and hope that the police followed it up, and quite frankly I doubt that NCC and the police have quite the same ideas about what constitutes sufficient infringement – particularly if the motorist appeals to the courts. And as I also mentioned in that previous article, NCC continues to completely ignore one of the biggest sources of bad driving – taxis – in order to further penalise the common driver. That’s because taxis are a major revenue stream for the council (i.e. they have to buy licences to operate), whereas motorists aren’t… yet. NCC has no interest in getting bad drivers off the road. If it did, it would target taxis (and all forms of bus) immediately.

Bus lanes are separate problem. I wrote recently about what to do if an emergency vehicle comes up behind and there’s a bus lane in operation alongside you. Any organisation which was staffed by at least one or two normal human beings would explicitly state in all its FAQs that you could drive in the bus lane to allow the emergency vehicle to pass. To be fair to NCC, it actually does say this on its website. However, Nottinghamshire County Council and numerous others around the country are all extremely careful not to say anything about it at all – thus leaving the door open to increase revenue from PCNs if they so choose. Some have absolute zero tolerance policies. And yet having (or not, as the case may be) an explicit statement concerning bus lanes is a matter of immense safety importance, often involving life or death situations. You’d expect it to be Item #1 on the FAQ list, yet these vile vultures carefully avoid addressing it so they can milk money from motorists in order to line their own pockets.

Of course, most of the foregoing might be seen as just a personal opinion. So it was interesting to see this article on the BBC website. Apparently, councils plan to install even more CCTV equipment at black spots in order to milk still more money from their victims.

One example in Basildon tells how the monkeys running the council have turned one particular road into a buses-only route. Buses don’t run on a Sunday, but cars still can’t use it. The idiots in charge reckon that they’d review the times if “the local community supported it”. Like I say: idiots.

Reading Borough Council (RBC) is apparently the worst county for issuing tickets. One clown who got voted into power says:

This allegation that somehow we put in cameras to raise money is nonsense… We put in cameras so that buses… run on time and the bus lanes do what they say.

Complete bollocks. The number of buses held up by cars using 24-hour or in-operation bus lanes can be counted on the fingers of one hand, figuratively speaking. And the difference between what it was like before Fascist-like enforcement and after would be smaller still. The idiot quoted would have us believe that until RBC started enforcing it, everyone drove in bus lanes. They didn’t – and those who did still do.

Bristol City Council (BCC), along with RBC, is seeking to gain extra powers so it can harvest money via other trumped-up infringements.

There is a particular box junction in London with CCTV, and this has snared 29,000 motorists in the year to March 2013. Do they really believe that 29,000 motorists are career criminals, or is it maybe a case that the policing of the junction in question might be a little over zealous?

One motorist who got mugged by the council at this junction put in a Freedom of Information (FOI) request asking for email exchanges within the traffic department responsible to be handed over. What he received makes very interesting reading. There was reference to financial targets, and comments such as:

Another record for us…

The late shift penalty charge notices helped matters so well done everyone…

A worrying start [to the financial period] as penalty charge notices seemed to reduce…

It is obvious that these vultures don’t want safety or congestion improvements. That second one reeks of “teamworking” – trust me, I’ve been there. I know how this will have been briefed to staff. Of course, the pond scum running the councils claim that all this was “office banter” – which is more bollocks. The “well done” comment is clearly from higher up, and the other two are not exactly something the average traffic warden would say.

And if you’re still not convinced, the reporter in question did an experiment where he put up signs on lamp posts warning drivers to obey the box junction rules. This caused a 25% reduction in drivers stopping in it. But of course, that meant a 25% reduction in revenue for the council – so Hammersmith and Fulham told him to remove them.

You can watch more on the Panorama programme which dealt with this topic.

Can CCTV catch you in a bus lane?

Yes. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt (an error on my part some years ago). Some councils even have mobile cameras in vans to catch you doing it (or other “road offences”).

You Have To Be Crazy To Drink And Drive. Some People Have “Crazy” To Spare

22/06/2013

DOAADI

ADI, Bad Drivers, News

You’d think that being caught drink driving would be a fairly simple matter to resolve. You know, some jerk drinks too much and drives erratically, then along comes Mr Plod and confirms he’d had too much. The courts then formally punish the miscreant. Job done.

Andrew Seeley, 32, obviously thinks differently. He was so drunk he didn’t know where he was going (in the news story’s own words). When he noticed he was being followed he tried to drive off at speed. When eventually stopped he was found to be more than 2½ times the legal limit. But then it gets amusing.

Seeley refused a second breath test (probably after realising how far over he was) on the grounds of having a collapsed lung from abusing aerosol gas when he was younger. He refused blood samples on the grounds of having a fear – no, a phobia – of needles. He denied driving under the influence of drink or drugs, smugly believing his wild stories would save him. He claimed that he had swerved across the road to avoid an unknown creature:

It was bigger than a cat. It was living. I can’t say what it was.

It reminds me of an old Marty Feldman sketch, where he’s in a vet’s waiting room with a large basket containing some unseen-but-monstrous creature. He says to a little old lady with a budgie in a cage:

I looked him up in the Cattle-breeder’s Guide – he wasn’t in there; I looked him up in the Standard Book of British Birds – he wasn’t in there either; I finally found him in the Book of Revelations.

The best part is that the Sheriff (this was in Scotland) ignored all that crap and found him guilty of drink driving. He was banned for four years and given 100 hours community service. The only thing the Sheriff said was that he couldn’t be sure if Seeley really did have a phobia about needles and so he didn’t find him guilty of refusing to provide a specimen.

Seeley obviously lives in a different world to normal people.

Student Nurse’s Jolly Jape Turns Into Driving Ban

22/06/2013

DOAADI

ADI, Bad Drivers, Funny, News

You have to laugh. Anna Louise Smith, 21, is a student studying nursing in Swansea. As a prank, she decided to move a friend’s car to make it look like it had been stolen.

You need to be a student to appreciate how “funny” this sort of prank is. However, you don’t need to be a student to appreciate how funny it is if the police turn up in the middle of your jolly wheeze, decide that you’re acting suspiciously, and subsequently discover that you’re also twice the legal limit as a result of having been to the annual Summer Ball. If you’re a student – and especially if you’re the student – this, of course, suddenly makes the whole affair distinctly unfunny,

Smith’s defence lawyer reckoned that she’d only moved the car around the corner, and that a ban would be particularly hard on his client. The magistrates ignored that crap and banned Smith from driving for 12 months and fined her over £200.

It’s worth bearing in mind that, at 21, she must only have passed within the last couple of years. I’m assuming that she’ll have to do it all again – with the associated expense.

Coughing Fit Causes Welsh School Accident

22/06/2013

DOAADI

ADI, Bad Drivers, News

I’m sure most people will have heard about the incident outside a school in South Wales, where a driver ploughed into children, hospitalizing several.

Now that things have calmed down a bit, the driver is claiming that he blacked out after coughing. I’m sure that the authorities themselves will decide if this is a valid excuse of not, but I find it difficult to accept that this could happen at all, or – at the very least – that someone to whom it could happen so easily should even be driving a car. Especially an Audi, which is designed to go fast in the first place.

There are also calls for the school crossing patroller to be “recognised” for attempting to shield the children from the rampaging car armed only with her patroller’s “lollipop”. She ended up with two broken knees, a broken shoulder, broken elbow, and cuts and bruises. All extremely painful, and all the kinds of injuries that take a long time to recover from – if at all. But it could all have been a whole lot worse.

The Ballad Of The Idiots And Their Mobility Scooters

21/06/2013

DOAADI

Bad Drivers, News

A reader sent me this link from the BBC website. It tells how Ian Broughall, 56, caused chaos on the A14 near Cambridge by riding his mobility scooter on it. Note that the A14 has a speed limit of 70mph, and is one of the busiest roads in the country. Broughall’s scooter, on the other hand, had a top speed of 8mph along with the extra disadvantage of its driver.

Broughall seems to be one of those people who is an olive short of a pizza (which I’m sure he isn’t), and yet is still allowed out unsupervised (the world is full of that kind of person, unfortunately):

Mr Broughall said he was “usually very responsible”, but added he was “not stupid” and would find a different route next time he wanted to go out.

The problem is, he is also quoted as saying:

I’ve done it once before, and I was doing just fine until I saw all these flashing lights behind me – and that’s when the trouble started.

So he is clearly not as “not stupid” as he would have us believe! He is unable to distinguish between “doing fine” and being bloody lucky. He could have been killed – but worse, he could have caused many others to be killed if he hadn’t have been stopped. He is an irresponsible fool, and no amount of wishy-washy baby talk about it being a nice day and him wanting to take some pictures is going to alter that. He shouldn’t have been on that road, and he endangered the lives of many by doing so. It’s frightening to think that he may not accept this rap – either from the police, or from those who comment on the matter.

As if to emphasise the questionable mental state of some mobility scooter owners, there is a link to another BBC story from a few days ago where a very old (70-80) female rider knocked a cyclist into a river. She didn’t even stop – something which is common where elderly people are involved.

On the one hand, there is perhaps an argument for her receiving some sort of award in recognition of her choice of target. But on the other, more serious hand, her victim could have drowned. As it was, he suffered cuts and bruises.

The problem isn’t confined to a few isolated cases. A few years ago I saw an old guy in Clifton, Nottingham, go ploughing through a group of schoolgirls on a zebra crossing. He hurt one of them. Then there are calls by the mayor of Southwold, Suffolk, for regulations to be introduced on the damned things:

Mayor John Windell said he had become “concerned” about the use of the scooters after hearing from pedestrians who had experienced “near escapes”.

Mind you, that’s about the limit of the sense he makes. After that he loses the plot completely, talking of making pavements wider, or having special lanes on roads. He stops short of suggesting that cars and pedestrians be banned from town centres.

Sometimes there is no solution that keeps everyone happy. You either accept that mobility scooters are going to keep getting involved in situations that will one day lead to a serious accident; or you insist that the people who use them have to pass fitness-to-ride tests, and revoke that licence if they fail.

EDIT: I have been “warned” of legal action for “slander” by the guy in the first story I referred to. He means “libel” (slander involves the spoken word).

He could have killed himself. He could have killed others. He is lucky that the only thing he has to worry about is being likened jokingly to a pizza with one of its toppings missing! I’d be surprised if his friends and family didn’t use far stronger words when he came home.

Archive - June 2013