Peripatetic Driving Tests

Another email alert from the DSA concerning the trial where driving tests were conducted out of buildings other than official test centres. There isn’t a web link, so here’s the full text:

More driving test candidates to benefit from better local services

Driving test candidates across the country are set to benefit from a more convenient service as the Driving Standards Agency (DSA) extends a trial exploring a new approach to test delivery.

As well as using conventional driving test centres, the DSA has been looking at whether practical driving tests can be delivered from other venues such as local authority buildings, hotels or leisure centres.

This new approach is currently being trialled at eight locations, and following positive feedback from candidates and instructors, the DSA now plans to extend the scheme to five more areas across the country.

Road Safety Minister Mike Penning said:

“We have to be more flexible and innovative in delivering driving tests to make sure that we are offering people the best service possible wherever they live and I am delighted that these first trials have proved successful.

“We are now extending the trial so that more candidates will be able to benefit from a service that is convenient as well as being cost effective.”

The DSA plans to further develop this model and extend the scheme across areas in and surrounding: Watford, Manchester, Kettering, Glasgow and Worcester. In each area, DSA will look to identify a number of locations where there is sufficient demand for local test provision. Tests could be provided from local authority buildings, or from local businesses such as hotels or retail outlets.

As part of the longer term planning for driving test delivery, the DSA is looking for opportunities to work in partnership with the private sector across the country. Tests will still be conducted by DSA examiners, but the agency is inviting businesses who may be interested in providing premises for delivering driving tests to register their interest. A Prior Information Notice is being published in the Official Journal of the European Union and the agency hopes to attract interest from a wide section of the business community.

I think the idea of running tests from hotels and leisure centres in areas where it can be justified is fine. My only concern stems from the fact that Mike Penning championed it, and that it is therefore in danger of being the first steps on the road to privatisation.

Petrol Tanker Drivers To Strike

This email alert came in via the DSA. The entire situation is down to a bunch of arseholes and a union. So just a big bunch of arseholes really. This simple fact doesn’t stop the lower primates trying to blame the DSA somehow.

I can’t really think of any publication out there (other than the Arseholes’ Union Newsletter) which would advise the public to go out and panic buy, break speed limits, queue at forecourts on purpose to cause disruption, and so on. So the DSA’s advice is:

Motorists can also help by following the following sensible advice:

  • don’t change your purchasing behaviour, refuel as you normally would, planning ahead if you have a long journey to go on
  • stick to speed limits as this helps conserve fuel
  • don’t queue at petrol forecourts, this causes congestion and increases disruption
  • check travel sites and latest news before travelling

In actual fact, this is what all the newspapers are saying, and the AA, and other motoring groups. It is the standard advice at times like these.

The only problem is that people who aren’t tanker drivers and who aren’t fully paid up members of the Arseholes’ Union are not automatically any further up the evolutionary ladder. And they WILL go out and panic buy.

My opinion is that the media should simply not publicise the Arseholes’ Union’s intentions. But since that is never going to happen, sensible advice has to be given – even if people aren’t going to follow it.

Addendum: And it transpires that the Mickey Mouse coalition – much beloved by many of the lower primates out there – actually HAS advised people to panic buy.

The Fire Service is furious, because apart from the danger to the pond life which will be storing it in plastic buckets in its kitchens and bedrooms, there is also the danger to firemen who enter burning buildings not expecting to find gallons of fuel sitting around.

There was a queue outside Morrisons in Netherfield this afternoon. All the mummies in their 4x4s taking “sensible precautions” as advised by Cameron and his gang.

a2om Classroom Lessons

I saw this in the newsfeeds about a2om’s DriveIQ course.

It’s worth pointing out that a2om started life as a definitely-for-profit driving school, which employed its instructors, and boasted they were better than anyone else in the known universe. The fallout from this still reverberates with a handful of very vociferous (but usually incoherent) individuals who pop up from time to time in various places.

This business model failed very quickly. So a2om then developed its training software and now touts this as what comes across as the best training system in the entire universe. It is also involved with pushing a BTEC in driving, which is touted as what comes across as virtually the best qualification in the universe.

From a driving instructor’s point of view, “qualifying” to deliver the BTEC using a2om’s software involves little more than half a day in a big meeting room with about a dozen people, many of whom still seem unable to deliver the modules properly at the end because of the complexity involved (when I went on it, at least two had only recently qualified as ADIs and they were barely comfortable with normal lessons). After that you are ready to deliver it and are called “a coach” – and you can boast of the fact as “CPD” if that’s the kind of thing you’re into.

The pricing structure for the course as far as new drivers is concerned is confusing. There is a free element which gives access to the software, and two levels after that which involve actual lessons (arranged with “a coach” on the approved list). Only the second – and more expensive – option gives the BTEC certificate. In effect, you pay for a certificate.

There is absolutely nothing in the DriveIQ syllabus that a good ADI wouldn’t already be covering. The only difference is that the candidate pays extra for it.

Little of that extra money goes to the instructors, and a2om is currently saying that DriveIQ is “not for profit” (how they pay their staff therefore remains a mystery). The only real instructor benefit is extra work. However, take up in anywhere but the most affluent parts of the country is almost non-existent. Indeed, the very places where most accidents seem to happen are the areas least likely to be able to afford – and have the least inclination to do – the BTEC (from what I’ve seen).

The whole thing about BTEC courses is also confusing. It seems like anyone can offer one, and many do. But they’re often not worth the paper the certificates are mass-printed on. They’re virtually impossible to fail and getting one does not in any way influence how a young person is going to drive once they get their black Corsa with wide exhaust pipe and tinted windows.

It sounds negative, I know, but it is going to take a lot more than pseudo-philanthropic ideals from a previously commercial company to sort out the problem of 17-year olds killing themselves. Fair enough, the software they have developed might be good, but it isn’t perfect and it isn’t the only option.

Just my opinion.

Angry Birds Space

Angry Birds GameI’m sure most people with a smartphone have got Angry Birds on it. The game is very addictive and great fun – and totally harmless.

Apart from the original Angry Birds, there is Angry Birds Rio and Angry Birds Seasons – the latter two are updated regularly with new levels. But I saw in one of the tech journals that a new game – Angry Birds Space – had been released and had notched up over 10,000,000 downloads in just three days.

For anyone who doesn’t know, the game is about firing angry bird characters from a catapult at various structures, the aim being to knock out all the green pigs (who have stolen the angry birds’ eggs, hence the reason they’re angry). Well, in the Rio version it’s about knocking out monkeys, too, but the same idea. The backdrops are beautiful in all the versions, and in Seasons, as well as knocking out wooden structures, there are also snow and ice blocks.

Different angry birds do different amounts of damage. There are ones that explode, ones that puff up into big balls, ones that drop exploding eggs, ones which accelerate, ones which break into groups, ones which boomerang backwards, and so on.

Angry Birds SpaceWell, I downloaded Space, and it is brilliant. This time you are playing with gravity, and although you have angry birds with various functions as already described, their actions are affected by small planetoids, atmosphere, and the gravity-free environment away from the planetoids.

In addition, there are some new angry bird characters with new features.

Whoever programmed it is a genius.

It runs very smoothly on my HTC Sensation XE, but you don’t actually need a smartphone – you can play it on your PC. And it is completely free.

I’ve got three stars on all levels of the first three games (well, apart from the latest update to Rio, with two levels sitting at two stars). When I upgraded my phone I was worried I might have to start all over again, but there is a utility you can download which backs up your progress and then you can import that to your new phone when you’ve installed the games.

Space is going to be fun!

Ecosafe Driving – And How To Make Things More Complicated Than They Need To Be

I noticed an argument about eco-driving and overuse of the brakes, which is descending into a technical duel of opinions and misconceptions.

Ecosafe driving is a style of driving that is both safe and economical, and this is perceived as being good for the environment. The backbone of ecosafe driving is to plan ahead and know as much about what is happening around you as is possible (without compromising safety, of course). That way you can react early to situations.

Late braking and harsh acceleration are bad techniques – they always have been – and are not part of the ecosafe approach. As Driving: The Essential Skills (TES) says, these tend to increase fuel consumption. Note the word “tend”.

The reason for this is quite simple. It is pushing the accelerator (gas) which primarily affects how much fuel is used, so obviously pushing it hard and to excess (or for longer than needed) is clearly going to use a lot more gas. Harsh acceleration is therefore wasteful.

As for harsh braking, it isn’t the act of braking itself that is the problem – you don’t use more gas just by using the brake. However, if you accelerate to an unnecessary speed (which uses more gas), slamming the brakes on just wastes all that effort. So harsh braking doesn’t use gas, but it does waste it.

Of course, the whole attitude underpinning this chavvy style of driving is also likely to be increasing fuel consumption as well, so it’s a vicious circle.

As a rough guide, ecosafe driving is:

  • driving away smoothly without harsh acceleration
  • turn off your engine when safe and convenient (if you’re waiting more than a minute or two)
  • accelerate smoothly and gently
  • when safe and convenient, take your foot off the gas and use the car’s momentum to maintain speed
  • miss out gears when possible (block changing) as it requires shorter acceleration times (if done properly)
  • use the highest gear possible without making the engine strain
  • use engine braking when you can

There’s much more to it, but these are the ones which a driver has continual control over because it is part of their overall style.

You cannot avoid driving up hills, and if you were always going up them then your fuel consumption would be high. The best ecosafe method is to use gravity – and the brakes to stay within the limit using an appropriate gear – going downhill, and use momentum plus gentle gas in the appropriate gear going up.

You can’t get 100mpg going up a steep hill, and not being able to do so does not make you a poor ecosafe driver. Trying to do it in 5th gear would, though.

Cleaners Earn More!

Cleaning FranchisesI just noticed a Google ad which said “don’t become a driving instructor – cleaners earn more”.

It was selling cleaning franchises.

Let’s hope that every moronic driving instructor out there who is cutting their prices because they were too greedy to start on a franchise themselves, and who don’t have any work as a result realises this. That they’re further down the ladder than cleaners.

Hopefully, this will even sink into the thick skulls of those who try to justify their stupidity, and who think being a cheapo is clever.

Better yet, bugger off from this industry and go and bring the cleaning franchise one to its knees with your unique business skills!

On the other hand, let’s be brutally honest about this. There is absolutely no reason why a driving instructor should consider himself any better than a cleaner. It’s the fact that so many do – considering themselves above the police, doctors, nurses, and other medical professional – which makes the whole price-cutting saga such a sorry mess. It’s often the ones who think they’re so good who are most deeply involved in the practice.

They simply can’t see that being busy isn’t the same as making a decent wage – and that that’s the best outcome they can hope for!

And Another One…

Another case of teenage deaths in a car driven by a teenage driver.

There is no suggestion that speed limits were being broken, but going too fast for the conditions is definitely implied – possibly along with juvenile naïvete.

Update: And he (Aaron Simpson) got off with the charge of careless driving. The verdict has the approval of the parents of the deceased teenagers.

I’m in no position to judge, so I won’t. All I will say is that thousands of people drive the same route daily and don’t spin off the road or collide with other vehicles.

Teenagers have somehow got to start accepting – or be forced to accept from their currently ineffectual parents – that speed and bravado are dangerous… even when you’re not technically breaking the law.

This case is just one version of the script which is played out almost daily, and which sends young drivers’ insurance premiums sky-high, as well as wrecking the lives of families and friends.

Young people simply have more accidents because they’re inexperienced drivers who believe  – and are allowed to believe – the exact opposite.

And THIS Is Why Young Drivers Will CONTINUE To Have Accidents

I wrote the other day about Euan Tennant – a learner and student who had only taken 10 lessons, bought a fast sports car, managed to rack up 1,500 miles in “a few weeks”, and who ended up in an accident which killed his girlfriend. The police said that they believed excessive speed was the cause.

I’ve also written somewhere recently about the dubious Scottish justice system – even more dubious than the English one in some cases.

Well, Tennant has been cleared!

This gives an absolutely clear message to anyone else out there with a juvenile mind and inflated sense of masculinity, who feels like buying a pratmobile when they are only just out of nappies.

You should read that most recent article. The words of the dead girl’s family make poignant reading. They can only be congratulated for holding in check the obvious words that any sane person would want to use if they weren’t constrained in some way.

The jury found that the charges of causing death by careless driving and going at excessive speed were not proven.

Ruddington Roadworks 2012

Look at the bottom of this post for updates… the roadworks are moving around!

More delays in RuddingtonI’ve written about this before, but the Kirk Lane/Flawforth Lane junction with the A60 seems to have some sort of cosmic significance as far as major roadworks go.

This time, though, it’s not the gas but the drains they’re fixing.

I don’t know if it was planned (there were no signs warning of major delays, so I guess it is an emergency repair), but it certainly isn’t very well organised.

There are two-way temporary lights about 100m from the set at the junction. I was down there tonight and turning right out of Kirk Lane is almost impossible during rush hour, because the temporary set is not synchronised in any way with the main junction. You end up stuck in the middle with nowhere to go.

On the one hand, at least they’re working outside the period 10am-2pm (plus 2 hours in total for lunch, elevenses, dinner, tea, and so on) – the normal working hours of the British navvy. But on the other, they’ve already been doing this for several days and it looks like a big job.

Avoid the A60. It’s incompetent chaos yet again, no doubt authorised by one of the Nottingham councils (city or county).

Update: As of 28 March, the drain roadworks are STILL causing chaos, and they’re STILL not working nights or weekends to fix it quickly. And now – to make matters worse – Severn Trent have got the bloody road up with temporary lights less than a mile away near Bradmore.

Update: They all seem to have been completed now (as of 2 April).

Update: There are now TWO sets of works (as of 21 May) about 200m apart in Bunny on the A60. There is about a day’s work, which will obviously take much longer because 90% of the activity seems to involve sitting on their arses on the adjacent bench making calls on their mobiles.

These two are causing chaos during evening rush hour (I dread to think what it’s like coming into Nottingham in the mornings).

You know who is to blame – the idiots who sanction these works, then allow the contractors to do sod all for three weeks.

PediPaws Nail Trimmer

Article updated as a result of a run of hits recently.

This cracked me up! They say ‘nail trimmer’ – it’s more of a ‘claw grinder’ for pets.

Pedipaws Nail TrimmerJust now (back in 2009, actually) on TV there was one of those adverts from JML Direct advertising PediPaws (it’s now been taken down and pedi-paws no longer features on their site) – a tool for trimming your pet’s claws. It seems to consist of a grinding wheel on a spinning shaft (it looks a lot like my Dremel multi-tool), and you push your pet’s toes through a small hole and the grinding wheel files their claws down. You can see the video on their site if you click the link above.

The best bit is where they are showing an owner trimming their cat’s claws. The cat is sitting there all contented, thinking “why is that camera pointed at me?” as the loving owner manipulates the PediPaws unit (obviously, you’ll have to take my word for it since the videos are no longer available to marvel at).

There is clearly no sound other than the voiceover – but it must be fairly obvious the device isn’t turned on during the demonstration with the cat behaving so nonchalantly.

Every cat I have ever owned was telepathic – you just had to think about spraying them withFreddie Krueger Claw flea powder, or taking them to the vets, or giving them a tablet, and they would tear off their outer fur coat and become Super Cat . Not the good Super Cat either, but the evil one – after Lex Luthor had made him hold some dodgy Kryptonite !

The noise alone would throw a cat into full-on Freddie Krueger mode in an instant. It would have done with any of mine (mind you, one of them was always half way there at the best of times).

When giving my cats tablets I had to wear leather gardening gloves – after the first time I tried it without, and nearly needed a blood transfusion. It was the same when spraying them for fleas – the hiss of the can created a Nightmare On My Street!.

And I had to use all kinds of tricks to get them to the vet, otherwise I wouldn’t see them for two weeks after they went into hiding.

So I find it hard to imagine that putting a high-speed rotary tool anywhere near any animal – let alone a cat – is going to result in anything other than serious injury to the owner. If the cat is tolerant enough to let you shove its foot into this tool, it sure as hell won’t be when it feels contact being made!

Incidentally, JML Direct (and its partner stores) are selling this thing for £24.99. It costs £4.99 from this online store (Key Fitness ) – this one seems to have gone, too!

Anyway, I think this must STILL rate as Stupidest Product Idea Ever – way above the nose hair trimmer (what’s wrong with pulling them out? It’s way more effective). Which made me think: imagine a nose or ear hair trimmer for pets… But I bet the Poodle, Cairn and Yorkshire Terrier, and Jack Russell owners out there would all be queuing in Wilkos tomorrow if they made one!

EDIT 24/12/2009: Wow! At the rate this one is getting hits, we could have a new champion post (beating the Man Has Pine Tree Growing In Lung story). I can see a lot of Yorkshire Terriers and other Fidos with a PediPaw in their Christmas stocking tomorrow morning (and yes, people DO put up stockings for their pets).

EDIT 21/3/2012: This article is getting a few hits again, so I’ve updated it. Amazon does it for £3.30, even though JML and that other place have given it up. Read some of the reviews (all spellings and pet names for real):

…then tried it on my dog who hated the noise, went bizerk…

…my dog is a staff & is not taken aback by much but even he refused to even enter the same room with it at first few times of use…

…plus my dogs where so scarred of it and i would not try it near the cat…

…She doesn’t seem bothered with the sound or vibration of it but as soon as you insert a claw into it she freaks out. Have not been able to trim her claws at all…

…my dog wasn’t too keen so took time getting him used to it but I think that was more because of the noise it made…

…Dog hates it…

…Noodle wasnt too happy at first…

…Dog did not like it at first but I amsure he will get used to it the more it is used. I think it is the vibration not the noise that put him off…

…It took a couple of goes for my dogs to accept it…

…extremely fiddly with small claws especially when she was riggling around to avoid having it done…

I told you! Even the ones who say it works seem to have little regard for whether their animals like it or not.