Why Is Nottingham Gridlocked?

Update: February 2020 take a look here (Clifton Bridge closed).

Update: If you want to know what the problem was on 21 November 2012, take a look here.

The simple answer is: because the Nottingham City Council is the biggest bunch of pillocks on the planet. Let’s explain that in a little more detail.

Gas Main Replacement

Gas Main Piping

Standard Health & Safety procedure dictates that no work is allowed within 3 hours of sunrise or sunset, or at weekends. Outside of these times, workers are expected to stand around playing with their mobile phones or reading newspapers in their vans. Regulations also stipulate that any activity within 0.5km of a road requires half of it blocking off and 3 or 4-way traffic lights installing. These lights should be programmed to freeze at least once during out-of-hours periods. The Work Fairy will come along from time to time and make sure just enough gets done to make some progress.

Electric Cable Replacement

Morgan Sindall is apparently contracted to do something with the underground electricity cables, and again this work has been authorised to commence all at once in various locations around Nottingham, and at the exact same time as all the other works. The sign says these works are scheduled to last for two whole weeks.

Severn Trent Water

Water Leak

A typical Severn Trent project involves someone (like me) seeing a leak and reporting it. The Report-a-Leak hotline will behave as if it doesn’t know what you’re talking about, and will not have a clue what location you are trying to identify unless you can give them a house number, postcode, and the inside leg measurement of the bloke who lives there (which isn’t easy when you merely drove past it and saw water running along the road). The leak will then persist for up to several months until either a) enough people have reported it, or b) a chasm opens up and it becomes serious enough for people to take more notice of it. Then, within an hour, the road will be cordoned off and 3 or 4-way lights installed for up to 7 days while the now huge problem is fixed.

Water pipes seem to have a tendency to be situated right in the middle of the road – and even if they’re not, you can bet that the actual leak will be. This ensures that any work involves major disruption.

(Seriously, I’ve reported two leaks, but I will never do it again.)

NET and The Tram Extension

Nottingham Tram

The tram system is obviously green and eco-friendly, and while the NET workers are tearing up greenbelt land and digging up roads in their eco-friendly way, it is essential that they do so for as long as possible (12 months is cited on most signs around the city) and cause tens of thousands of motorists to sit stationary with their engines running every weekday between about 3.00 in the afternoon and 8.00 in the evening.

Assorted Other Problems

While the above works are taking place, Nottingham City Council (and, surprisingly, the police) will have decided that the city “can cope” and will, for example, allow things like the Nottingham Marathon with its associated road closures to go ahead on the same day (and at a similar time) to Nottingham Forest’s home match against Derby County at the City Ground. And also commencing the same day will be a week’s worth of road closures associated with the massive Goose Fair. Oh, and on one day this week there was apparently a big trial on at the Crown Court which required half the Nottingham police force armed with machine guns to be in attendance (according to a pupil of mine).


I have seen the following roadworks in progress just today(5th October):

  • Clifton – top end of Farnborough Road, 3-way lights due to tram works
  • Porchester Road – traffic lights for gas main works
  • Carlton – road closures, one-way systems, and 4-way traffic lights for gas main works
  • Sherwood – on Mansfield Road out of the city, 3-way lights for electricity main works and down to a single lane.
  • Arnold Lane – near the church, 3-way traffic lights for gas main works
  • Keyworth – Nottingham Road near the Indian restaurant, Severn Trent encampment and traffic lights.
  • University Boulevard – single lane outbound and intermittently single lane inbound due to tram works.
  • Beeston – traffic lights on Middle Street due to tram works.
  • Ruddington Lane – now closed for 6 months due to tram works.
  • Middle Hill – in City Centre, now closed due to tram works.

I know that there are plenty more around, but these alone enable us to answer the question about why Nottingham is gridlocked.

The recent work in Sherwood is causing traffic to back up from early afternoon all the way back into the city centre via Huntingdon Street, and down London Road towards West Bridgford. People seeking alternative routes are therefore blocking other roads as they’re hindered by the roadworks in other places. All of this is on top of the usual congestion along routes out of the city.

Those Sherwood works are the straw that broke the camel’s back. There is literally no viable alternative route past this gridlock… and it’s all thanks to those halfwits in the City Council.

Funny Political Analysis

I saw a comment recently where a right-on Thatcherite was questioning another person’s comment about how much of the current financial troubles were the fault of the Libcon coalition.

I have to laugh.

The current Mickey Mouse government has spent the last 2 years blaming the last Labour government for everything – even though the recession is a global phenomenon! What’s more frightening is that there are jackasses out there who believe it!

I suppose wasting £40 million of tax-payers’ money on the most corrupt franchise assessment of all time – the West Coast mainline deal – is also down to Labour. And I wonder who will have to pay for that through further “austerity measures”?

DSA Alert: GOV.UK Replacing Directgov and Business Link

The DSA has sent out an email alert advising of changes to it’s website services.

From 17 October 2012, GOV.UK will replace Directgov and Business Link. In other words, there will be one website instead of several, and the DSA will be part of that single site.

You can play around with the test version here. It isn’t complete, and is just for browsing.

For instructors and learners, all the relevant stuff is under the first option on the homepage >> Driving, transport, and travel.

First impressions are that it is much easier and clearer than the existing sites. Hopefully, the existing DSA stuff will have been rewritten to fit in and won’t just be the old stuff from new links.

DSA Advice: Road Users Requiring Extra Care

An email alert from the DSA, with timely advice about taking care around schools:

Near schools. Drive slowly and be particularly aware of young cyclists and pedestrians. In some places, there may be a flashing amber signal below the ‘School’ warning sign which tells you that there may be children crossing the road ahead. Drive very slowly until you are clear of the area.

Rule 208

 

Test Pass: Clean Sheet #3

Tick - The Holy GrailWell done Zaffy, who passed her test with no faults at all on Wednesday!

It wasn’t her first attempt, but it was definitely going to be her last until she passed her theory again – it was due to run out on Friday. Talk about cutting things fine! I’d managed to get this test booking as a cancellation after she failed a few weeks ago.

She’s been desperate to pass since she started with me, and that sort of got in the way on previous attempts. Only having one more shot available at it really seemed to make all the difference in her attitude and determination.

She’s been a pleasure to teach throughout, and her husband is a decent bloke, too. He definitely deserves some of the credit for helping her get through this.

I don’t think either of them appreciated the significance of a clean sheet. It was my third in as many years.

ANYONE Can Learn To Drive… But SHOULD They?

I was reading something recently and was struck by the shallowness in the way some people think. It’s a simple fact that just about anyone can learn to drive – the real question that no one seems to consider is should they?

Thinking of my own previous pupils for a minute, my quickest went from absolute zero (never driven before) to test pass in just 17½ hours – passing her test first time. My slowest one to date took around 160 hours and passed on his third attempt (which wasn’t bad, considering). Both were in the 17-24 age group, but I privately despaired at ever being able to get that second one up to test standard – and even then I worried about how he’d drive once he’d passed.

He was an unbelievably slow learner, even though he was holding down a good job in IT. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him except when he was behind the wheel of a car, and he was a really nice young chap. Every single aspect of learning to drive – how to use the clutch, how to brake, how to steer, etc. – had to be dealt with laboriously over months of lessons. And even when he could do them, he simply couldn’t apply them in real situations, and this took even more time to develop.

He wasn’t what you’d call wealthy, but he had no problem paying for lessons. I still felt terrible about the fact that he was paying me thousands of pounds (over £3,700 in the end) to teach him. I’d suggested a couple of times that he might want to consider learning in an automatic, but he was absolutely adamant that he wanted to pass in a manual car. In the end, I think the important thing was that we both knew that he had a problem, and that it wasn’t the tuition that was to blame.

That’s why those who try to suggest that the instructor is specifically the problem, offering epithets like “don’t be ashamed if you can’t do it – pass them over to someone who can”, are talking out of their backsides. I covered everything with this guy, in every way imaginable, in order to teach him how to drive. In the end we both succeeded and I doubt that anyone else could have done it any more quickly than I did.

However, one question I cannot answer is should he be driving?

Tonka TruckWhen you travel the roads every day, you see dozens of people out there who – one way or another – are not good drivers. You get boy racers who think they’re good, but aren’t. You have older drivers whose faculties are declining. You get the white-knuckle matrons who are terrified of being on the roads at all, but go on them anyway. You get the diminutive 4×4 drivers who couldn’t handle a Tonka truck, let alone a 2½ tonne tank (especially near schools and in supermarket car parks). You get people who simply can’t do roundabouts, and who negotiate the same ones every day and do them wrong every time. The list goes on and on.

Should any of those be driving?

Far too many ADIs these days – and it is a fairly recent malady – seem to forget that teaching people how to drive is just a job, and the purpose of that job is to earn money by doing it well. In other words, as with most jobs, there is a balance to be found between purely financial concerns on the one hand, and professional and moral responsibilities on the other. You cannot take things to extremes.

Unfortunately, the exceptional ability of many ADIs to use “doublethink” clouds this distinction quite significantly. For example, specialising in teaching people who have health or age issues, but overlooking the obvious safety implications of letting them loose on the roads – where the moral implications are not even considered – might come across as very philanthropic. But it is a definite selling point which allows a premium price to be charged for the service, so the financial arguments are obviously highly significant.

Is it a sin to advise someone to learn in an automatic car when they have obvious issues controlling clutch and gears? Well, some might argue that the “inferior” ADI who can’t handle such difficult learners would do well to pass them over to someone who can. As I said above, this is utter crap – it is merely a covert marketing ploy by the “specialists”.

Sure, there are some ADIs who can’t even handle normal learners very well, let alone the tricky ones, but that isn’t the issue. What these experts always ignore is the fact that most pupils want to learn quickly and often cannot afford 150 hours or more of lessons. If I get someone who is open about having a budget that they cannot exceed, then I’m open with them about whether I think they can do it or not – and especially if I discover that their left and right feet can’t work the pedals, and still refuse to do so even after hours of trying. Indeed, it’s got to the stage where I make a point of mentioning the automatic option to some new budget-focused pupils once I’ve seen how they are likely to develop.

I’ve got one at the moment. Really nice lady who – on her first lesson – showed a lot of promise. She’d mentioned how she had a budget and had already considered learning in an automatic, but would prefer a manual licence if possible. However, about 7 hours in and it has become clear that her left foot has a mind of its own which isn’t likely to change overnight. I’ve explained clearly that I am absolutely certain she could learn in a manual car, but probably not as quickly as she’d like and she might want to reconsider the automatic option in light of that. The coordination problems that she experiences with the clutch and gears simply wouldn’t exist in an automatic. She is grateful that I have told her this, and although I will lose a pupil she’ll leave happy.

One I’ve mentioned before finally passed her test in an automatic on her 7th (I think) attempt. It took her two years of automatic lessons – and that’s on top of the two she spent with me, determined to succeed in a manual transmission car. Even after 100 hours it was a 50:50 bet on whether she’d put the clutch down before stopping. After her first automatic lesson she phoned me and beamed “it’s great! When I stop at traffic lights all I have to do is brake, and then let go when I want to move again.” That was exactly what she kept doing in the manual car, of course, which resulted in frequent stalls.

There is absolutely no way any “expert” could have made any difference. She simply had a problem with driving, and the fact that it took seven test attempts even with an auto instructor bears testimony to this. If she’d have stayed with me she could still easily have not been test ready even now. I estimate that she has spent in excess of £7,000 to get her licence. And yes, I worry about how she’ll cope when she gets her own car. An instructor’s moral concerns don’t just end with the public.

Anyone who is struggling to learn to drive in a manual car, and who has limited funds on which to draw, should seriously consider learning in an automatic. It’s no sign of weakness to advise them on that – in fact, it is potentially irresponsible and unprofessional not to advise them of that option.

Learning To Drive To Take One Year?

This news story on the BBC reports that insurers are calling for an overhaul of the learner system. The changes they suggest include:

  • learning to drive to take at least 1 year
  • provisional licence available from 16½ years old
  • no intensive courses allowed
  • introduction of graduated licence
  • restrictions on carrying passengers
  • restrictions on driving after 11pm and before 4am
  • No blood alcohol allowed at all

I agree with all of these except the one about reducing the age limit. Drivers are already often too immature to handle a car properly and allowing them to get in one 6 months earlier is just stupid. It would put us on a par with certain American states, where you can drive from the moment you’re born, and where you’re also usually allowed to marry farm animals. All you have to do is trawl through the news stories from those backwoods places to see what the effect of allowing children to drive is on accident figures.

The insurers only want a lower age because it would make them more money. There’s no sense in the idea in terms of statistics, yet it would unquestionably increase the number of people requiring insurance.

If anything, the minimum driving age should be increased – certainly for males.

There’s no escaping the actual statistics, though. Young drivers DO have a disproportionately large number of fatal accidents, and a large number of those fall into the “more-than-one-occupant-late-night-rural-road-on-a-bend-no-other-car-involved” category. It’s fairly obvious that immaturity and attitude have to play a significant part in this – I wish someone would produce the statistics that compare young/new with older/new drivers (not all learners are still in nappies).

Note: Even if this were approved today, it wouldn’t become law for several years – and it would probably be defeated before it became law because British politicians after votes are lower down the evolutionary ladder than those animals you’re allowed to marry in some American states I mentioned above!

Evarose @ Rescue Rooms, Nottingham

I went to a good gig on Saturday at Nottingham,’s Rescue Rooms.

A while back I saw a band on one of the music channels – I think it was on Kerrang, in one of its brief moments away from promoting rap and hip hop. They were called Evarose. This was the song I saw – it’s called “Best Left Alone”. I was immediately taken by the song and I put them on my “watch” list”.

I was duly (well, eventually) notified that they were coming to Nottingham and so I bought tickets. They were support for another band called “Straight Lines”. Also supporting were Summerlin – who I saw a few months ago at the CJD gig.

Summerlin aren’t really my cup of tea! They could be – there’s no question that they have talent – but every song they play sounds the same, which isn’t helped by the fact that you can’t hear their lyrics. Of course, that might have had something to do with the acoustics – small rooms with a stage about 6 metres by 5 are never going to be acoustically pure – but Rock City (and the attached Rescue Rooms) is like a rabbit warren, with getting on for a dozen such locations.

What was interesting though was that as the sets moved from Summerlin, to Evarose, and then to Straight Lines, there was a noticeable progression from raw to polished. That’s not to say that Evarose weren’t polished – it was just an overall impression I got.

Evarose have a pretty good stage presence (as good as it can be on a tiny stage), and although a couple of their videos make them look very teen-poppy their sound is quite heavy.

I’m not going to go into individual song details, even though I bought Evarose’s existing CD after I’d seen them on the TV. All I will say is that if you get a chance you’ve got to go and see them. If they get the right break, they’re a band that will definitely go places.

The annoying thing is that CJD are also a band in the same position – and yet the gig at the Rescue Rooms (well, two actually, as they said they’d had a bummer there when I saw them last year supporting The Darkness) – was a washout because of the low turnout.

And yet every crap rap act going seems to get air time.

New CGI HPT Clip

The DSA is circulating a new early-stage clip of the soon-to-be CGI version of the Hazard Perception Test (HPT) produced by Jelly. Once again, image clarity is superb.

Of course, it remains to be seen what the “experts” have to say on the matter. In spite of being early-stage trials I’m sure that someone will argue the sun is all wrong which gives a misleading impression of the speed because of the shadows, or the pilot car is doing something it shouldn’t, or something like that. Or some crap about it “being even more like a video game” – that’s always a good position to take to show how “expert” you are on the matter.

I did notice someone saying (in derogatory response to this latest clip) that the HPT doesn’t teach pupils to look in the mirrors.

It isn’t supposed to – that’s a service that ADIs are allegedly trained to provide. The HPT is supposed to give them an idea of what hazards to look for and when. It’s supposed to get them thinking – but quite how it can do that effectively if they have negative instructors teaching them is anyone’s guess.

Being able to pass the question part of the Theory Test doesn’t prove someone has perfect understanding of the Highway Code anymore than passing the HPT part means they have perfect hazard awareness skills when they’re out in their car.

But they have to at least think – just a little bit – in order to pass at all, and their instructor should build on that during their lessons.

Any ADI who can’t get this simple relationship past the prejudices that fill their thick skulls shouldn’t be doing this job.

Latest Official Theory Test Help

The DSA has sent out a bulletin advising of the latest study aids for the theory test.

It would appear that the changes include sections which explain in detail (using words and pictures) the key points, and advice on how to study. There are also attempts to link the material with actual on-road situations.

Prices start at £7.99 for just a downloadable PDF, but go up to £19.99 for the “complete kit”. Note that a PDF will not provide mock test functionality – it’s just a book.

This is where I have to deviate from being in full support of the package. I advise all my pupils that the only thing they need to buy is Driving Test Success. This DVD contains everything needed to pass the test. It’s price tends to vary with time – that one I’ve linked to is £10 for the 2013 edition, but the 2012 edition is only £5.99 and I’m not aware of any real changes to the test between 2012 and 2013 (the big change was between 2011 and 2012, when they stopped publishing the actual test questions).

You can also get Driving Test Success for only £0.69 (yep! Sixty nine pence) each for the questions and HPT (hazard perception) immediately for your iPhone (no Android support, it would seem). That price is limited time, and is only correct at the time of writing.

The DSA one is certainly serviceable, but it’s just a bit expensive.