Category - Funny

I picked a pupil up for a lesson yesterday at 11am. She got in the car, rushed through the cockpit drill, then started to fiddle with her hair in the mirror. The ensuing – and totally politically incorrect – exchange went like this:

Me: Are you finished?

She: What?

Me: Messing with your hair.

She: I’ve just got up. I look like a tramp.

Me: No you don’t. You’re just doing that thing women do.

She: Men do it as well.

Me: No we don’t.

She: Yes they do. I’ve seen them.

Me: Well, not real men. Anyway, when no one’s looking we just pick our noses in the car.

She: OK, I’ll give you that one.

You watch next time you pull up behind a woman at traffic lights. You can virtually guarantee that you’ll see her lean across and start tousling her hair.

Another thing worth watching for: when you pull up behind someone who has their rear view mirror adjusted properly, you can see their eyes (or the top of their head if they are trying to avoid making eye contact because they just cut you up and they know that you are waiting to use International Drivers’ Sign Language or Exaggerated Lip Exercises at them).

Often, if the driver is female, you’ll notice that the mirror shows a slightly lower part of her anatomy. That’s because she’s got it adjusted so she can see herself in it.

Honest. It’s true!

I wrote a little while ago about the ridiculous behaviour you get from some people on web forums. That last story concerned a forum know-it-all who likes to dissect posts claiming everyone loved him and respected him – even after he’s wound one of them up with his behaviour.

Well, the fun and games never stop! On the same forum recently, the administrator removed a thread completely (which they rarely do) because a certain person was trying to prove that every single instructor working for a large National School – which he repeatedly named - was incompetent and purposely employed to be that way (this is known as “libel”). The libel was based on this person’s extremely limited experience and intellect, and his inability to realise that the “half dozen or so” cars from that school he sees over a week are probably the same car most of the time, and represent perhaps 0.2% of the cars that that school operates nationwide.

That same poster has now gone off on one about how other motorists park and block the road. He said (punctuation – or lack thereof - is real):

I can add to this I parked in safe place at end of lesson with pupils first drive home we parked in safe place another car comes and parks opposite us. then 4 minutes later another car a peers beeping trying to get through. I did not get pupil to move the car or make any attempt to move the car myself I was in the middle of a serious conversation and lesson planning. he had to wait and right fully so was not our fault someone parked opposite us.

Isn’t that strange coming from someone who thinks that what he thinks he sees another school car doing applies to all cars from that school throughout the know universe? What does it say about his school, deliberately causing obstructions and annoying residents and passers-by?

You really do have to wonder how these idiots manage to stay on the Register of Approved Driving Instructors.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve got a pupil to pull over so we can do a turn in the road or discuss something, and another driving school car has stopped directly opposite us on largely empty roads. So there must be a lot of people like this guy around.

A little bit of inane trivia – but it just stuck in my mind, so I thought I’d mention it.

I just browsed through a certain website frequented by driving instructors (mainly argumentative types) and saw something which nearly gave me a coronary, I laughed so much!

On all web forums, you get “characters”. You get people who are deliberately antagonistic, others who are extremely misguided, and so on. But the most irritating ones on instructor forums are the know-it-alls – particularly when they clearly do not know it all!, No matter what someone else says, these people will always behave as if that person is not quite right, even if they are.

This particular character is rather patronising, and loves to dissect what others have said word by word. He’s never wrong himself, and if challenged will defend anything he has said with post after post of minutiae to support it. He isn’t aware of how annoying he is to others (though it does come out occasionally after they lose their tempers). He often makes matters worse by adding things like “Bill is right”, which usually stirs things up even more.

This particular argument is about elderly drivers, and should they have to be re-tested or not. The part that made me laugh out loud is was:

[Long dissection of someone else’s post who he has been attacking, and who is  standing up to him so that an argument is brewing]…

As many readers will know, my posts are generally polite and in the interests of acquiring knowledge or validating opinion or giving out knowledge as opposed to the people on here who cannot debate properly and become quite childish in the way they express themselves when others choose to disagree with them.

I would venture to suggest that if more people followed my example, there would be more people prepared to post on here rather than as they do, not want to get involved through fear of ridicule etc. That would enrich the Forum beyond belief because there are many out there with a lot to give. I’m not saying I’m perfect or never make mistakes but look at my posts since I joined and you will see what I mean.

He likes to point out that life – including driving  – isn’t black and white.

To make matters worse, a moderator (and close friend) has defended him, which then geed Mr know-it-all up enough to make a few cutting remarks about the person he’d wound up. He then made some comment about ignoring that person from now on – hardly in keeping with his policy of being…

…generally polite and in the interests of acquiring knowledge or validating opinion or giving out knowledge…

It’s the “acquisition of knowledge and validating of opinion” – by steamrollering everyone else – that causes the arguments that stop people posting on most forums The cause of people not posting is not the argument itself, but the belittling that leads up to that argument by people who are legends in their (and their supporters’) own lunchtimes.

I keep well away from these things, but they make great reading sometimes.